Life goes on

 Time flies….life changes.

In the blink of an eye, the years fly by. Since my last blog, so many things have happened. My life has changed in so many ways.

In May of 2015, my son Jeremiah and I graduated with honors from Hocking College. We completed a 2 year program in Art Marketing and Design for Photography. It was the first time I got to wear a cap and gown. We made that walk with a gold sash for Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society.

In October of 2018 I lost my baby sister and closest confidant to Metastatic Breast Cancer. Stormy was only 53 years old. She had been diagnosed 2 years earlier and had gone through every possible procedure including a double mastectomy, to no avail. Her greatest joy that year came when she was baptized for the second time by immersion. She would never know her 3 grandchildren or meet my 2 youngest grandchildren. I would never be able to hear her voice again.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. In September I had a foot of my ascending colon removed on a Wednesday. While in the hospital recovering, on Friday my nurse came into my room to take me downstairs. My husband of over 39 years was downstairs in the ER. He passed away from congestive heart failure with alcohol and smoking being contributing factors. I spent that evening arranging his organ/tissue donation and arranged for a funeral home to handle his cremation. He left me with no insurance and a bank account I couldn’t even touch. I did the right thing in telling the people in the hospital his mom would want to be there, but when she arrived she blamed me for his death. All because I didn’t jump up out of my hospital bed after abdominal surgery to arrange to get him to the hospital when he was in her home and she could have called an ambulance.  She made my life miserable by demanding that he have a burial with full funeral even though I had no money for such things. She threatened to bring the family up to my hospital room to “discuss” it. But I had a great hospital staff. My doctor, Intern and nurses told me THAT wasn’t going to happen. She’d be stopped at the door and escorted out. Then they kept me an extra day so I wouldn’t have to be stressed out. I wrote the obituary while in the hospital. I picked out the songs for the service. I called all the family. When we did go to the funeral home, my brother in law stepped up in my defense and it was arranged for a one day service/visitation with cremation afterwards. He paid all the expenses. And by the following Friday it was all over. My daughter gave a wonderful speech, my brother in law expressed his regret in not being there more, and of course, my mother in law made a third dramatic scene.

In one year, I had lost my sister, an aunt, my mom’s only remaining sibling and my husband.

For the next 3 years. I lived with the constant worry of where Jeremiah and I would go if my mother in law followed through with her constant fluctuation between remaining in the duplex we shared, or selling it and moving in with her daughter.

Then in November 2022, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my mother passed away. She was 99. She used to say she only had 2 wishes. The first was she didn’t want to be 100. The second was she wanted to die in her own bed in her own home. God granted both of those wishes. And I found myself writing another obituary. My younger brother was the executor and asked for my help. We decided to have a memorial service for Mom on what would have been her and Dad’s 75th wedding anniversary. He made the arrangements with the church we had all grown up attending. I helped him arrange the military service and flag. I wrote the eulogy I would give, and chose 2 poems…one included in my eulogy, one my brother would read. I gathered photos for the service and arranged for flights. 

The day was beautiful. The church was packed with friends and family. We had cousins from every one of mom’s siblings attend from all over the country. The service went off without a hitch and we all had a light lunch in the church before going our own way. That night we all gathered at a local Seafood restaurant and shared memories. 

My brother decided to buy our childhood home. He made some changes to the inside including updating the kitchen and transforming the den into a bedroom. Although the foot print of the house remains the same, the interior is different. It will always be home, but now it’s his home. I think Mom and Dad would approve. 

The only thing left to do was all the legal work…The sale of the house, the distribution of the will and inheritance. But that came with more paperwork and problems. Mom and Dad paid $14,500 for the house in 1963. My brother paid $240,000… Each sibling would get $40,000 before expenses. Stormy’s son would get her share. It’s how our parents wanted it. And I would have to fly down for the final settlement. I have to say this was the worst part for me. My first flight down took 10 hours. I missed my connecting flight and had to wait on standby for the last flight leaving the airport before weather closed it down. The whole time I was answering phone calls from lawyers and the realtor. The only good thing about the trip was staying with my oldest, dearest childhood friend, Carole. Before my flight left for Virginia, I learned that because of my oldest brother filling bankruptcy and not disclosing this to the lawyers, we wouldn’t receive our inheritance when we signed the papers. I hadn’t planned on that and had no return flight booked. Then the day we were supposed to be in the lawyers office, the President of the United States decided to visit… They closed down the interstate and forced all traffic onto the main roads. In a city with 18 military bases in the area, 55 elementary schools, 14 middle schools, 11 high schools and countless charter schools, specialty schools, day cares, 3 hospitals and countless businesses, doctors offices etc., this is a major problem. It took us almost 90 minutes or more for a 20 minute drive one way…and of course there was the same problem when we left. 

And then I was “stuck” in Virginia with no way home to Ohio. Fortunately I have good friends and they paid for a return flight….Which turned into another nightmare. First we were all boarded on the plane where we sat on the tarmac….for 2 hours. When we finally arrived at the connecting airport, all outgoing flights had already taken off. Everyone missed their connecting flights and scrambled to get hotel room and food vouchers. All the food businesses were closed. All rooms and vouchers taken. I spent the night sleeping on airport seats in a makeshift bed…. 14 hours for this 2 hour flight! But fortunately a good friend was able to pick me up at the airport when I finally arrived home.

After my mother passed, I began looking for a mobile home to buy. With my inheritance, I would be able to get a good used one and a car, and pay all the expenses like deposits, etc. The first one I found was a 2 bedroom, 1 bath, with a Den, covered porch and fairly new shed for $17,000. There were multiple problems that would need fixed, but it was still in the budget. I made a deposit to hold it. With the inheritance check now in the “wind” until everything was settled, I had to pass on the trailer. After I made the deposit, the woman who owned it basically abandoned it which caused even more problems, which I didn’t find out until the day I received the check for the inheritance. I applied at the trailer park and the manager told me of another trailer for sale with none of the problems and less than half the cost. She took me down to meet the seller and see the trailer. A newer 3 bedroom, 2 bath for only $7500.  Only problem was the master bath tub needed replacing. The seller was even leaving some of the furniture. So we arranged to complete the sale on the last Friday of March 2023. I also bought a used Honda CRV the same day.No longer would I have to worry about where we would live.

This wasn’t without problems. The previous owner had passed about the same time as my mom. Her son was the seller and had let the lot rent lapse. I had to pay it and get him to reimburse me before I could move in. He was moving things out over the weekend but then stopped. The shed was full of things, too. My son and I moved everything left in the trailer to the smallest room. Then we used a U-Haul van to move our things in. I bought a couch, a bed for Jeremiah and a washer and dryer which I moved in while my son stayed in the trailer and I continued to pack in the old place. I refinished all the dressers and bookshelves before moving them in. 

Finally moved in, and after many attempts to get the seller to retrieve anything he wanted, I put everything in a community yard sale 3 months later. I made over $200 and anything that didn’t sell went to charity. I even closed out a storage unit I had and moved everything into the shed. A good friend located a new garden bathtub which I picked up and he installed for free. And that’s how I became the owner of my own home again. I’ve had to have the A.C., Heater, Refrigerator and Water heater repaired, and the Trailer Park installed a carport I’ll never own, but it’s home. No one can threaten to kick me out. I’ve met a very good family that has 4 generations living in 3 trailers that are good friends. They mow my lawn, take my garbage cans to the curb and invite us over for holiday dinners. I don’t regret moving. As for my mother in law, she finally sold her home, moved in with her daughter and disowned myself, her 2 grandsons and 2 great grandchildren…..and we don’t miss her negativity . We haven’t heard from any of my husbands family in 2 years.

Which brings us to today. In November 2024, I was diagnosed with stage 4 rectal cancer that metastasized in my lungs. Before Christmas, I went through 33 days of oral chemotherapy and radiation. The following March I had more radiation. Then in March 2026 I began a chemo/infusion 6 month regimen; 3 weeks of infusion with 1 week off. The only problem was keeping my White Blood Cell count up. Some weeks when it was too low, I’d have to ship. But then I had to start getting shots to boost the wbc 3 days in a row after chemo…I was going to the infusion clinic 5 days a week.

There was confusion over how many treatments I had already had and I ended up getting one more round. I’ve felt fine except for an occasional side effect and sometimes with the heat and humidity, shortness of breath. All the tumor sites decreased in size at first, but they have started to increase. In September as of this date, I’ve had 20 appointments between chemo, shots, labs, P.E.T scans, primary care doctors, Oncologist appointments and bloodwork. Now I’m waiting on the Tumor board on Tuesday to decide if I need a biopsy or if I go to a new treatment plan called CapOX; infusion chemo one day, 14 days of pills and a week off. I don’t know how many rounds

Whatever it takes to stay here with my 2 youngest grandchildren, I will do. Some people give up. But I would like to be here at least until Elayna is 18… That’s 13 more years. I’m not prepared to leave them while they are still little. They are my heart and soul, my inspiration for living.

I have so much going on in my life, both good and bad. I stay in the home I created with my son. Some weeks I don’t even leave my own yard. Some days I don’t even change out of my pajamas. But I am always hopeful that my life will change.