It's been moths since I have sat down and writtena blog, perhaps even a year or more. But tonight as I have spent hours looking for something that still alludes me, it seams appropriate that I put thought to paper....or web page as it may be.

As time goes by and my body and mind age, I'm reminded of the things in life I have done, and morn for the things I would like to have done.  I always wanted that fairytale love, complete with the fairytale wedding and happily ever after ending. I wanted that love of my life. Someone who put me first in their life and wanted to do everything in their power to please me. I wanted my "Prince Charming" ......  Someone who would wrap me in his arms, kiss me like every breath depended on it, and hold me close so it felt as if we were one.  I wanted long nights curled up together by the fire with my head on his chest listenng to his heart beat as if for only me. I wanted long walks, hand in hand along the water's, edge bare feet in the sand with the water gently flowing in and out as the sun was slowly setting. Or walking hand in hand down forest paths or through gardens overflowing with the smell of blooming flowers.  I wanted romantic dinners, sharing popcorn in a dark movie theater, and dancing until dawn. I still dream of those things....but time has not given me what I yearn for.

I dream of walking down the aisle in a long flowing white wedding dress, arm in arm with my father, surrounded by friends and family.....of men in Tuxedos and women in long beautiful gowns with flowers in their hair and bouquets in their arms. I can hear the words, see the love in his eyes and feel my heart racing as we commit ourselves one to another......The dinner, the dancing and the rose petals gently flowing around us as we leave.....Spending time together on a honeymoon to some distant destination.....but this was not my reality.

I wonder what it is like to have a home I can call my own....walls to paint whatever color I feel like at the time....a garden to plan and plant.....a yard where I can sit in the sun to read or watch children and animals frolic. 

I want someone who will provide a stable home. A home where all the applainces are new and work properly. A garden bath tub, walk in closets, no clutter or cramped spaces, a washer, dryer and dishwasher.....and the money to decorate it any way I want.  I just want some place I can call my own where I don't have to worry where I will live or how I will pay for new tires for my car. I want a car that isn't 15 years old.

I wish I could spend more time with my children, grandchildren and great-grand-daughter....whom I have only seen in photos....I want to travel whenever, and wherever my heart desired with someone who wanted to be with me by my side. I want to see places I have only seen in books, on TV or on the internet. I want to meet people I've only known on the computer.  I want Love......

The older I get, the more I know these are just dreams of a fool, as they were never meant to be mine. Perhaps, this is the reason I spend so much time sleeping....because in my dreams, my life is so much different.

Why do I feel like this

      Usually on a Saturday I set my alarm to get up at 8:30, bound out of bed, dressing and packing a light snack for the day, and tear out of the door, camera in hand headed for the football field. I spend about 7 hours there taking pictures of the 3 games of the day. My children never played football. I don't have any grandchildren that play football anymore here in town. I've done this for 12 years. It's just something I've always enjoyed doing. For the first 8 or 9 years, it was because my grandchildren and nephews played in the league.

Today, I'm just not feeling it. It's not that I'm sick. It's that I'm "sick and tired". 

     When I was young growing up, I heard "you'll never amount to anything" once too many times. It gave me a very low self asteem and I never strived to do any better. I didn't want to disappoint all those people who felt I'd always just be mediocre. I was one of 6 children in a family where only my father worked and drove, so the only way we could be a part of something is if we earned our money and found our own way there.  My only enjoyment was gym class in school where I could do something I enjoyed and was good at doing.  I was the class clown in gym and could make people laugh. I worked during the summer of my sophmore year so I could be a part of the Drill team in my junior year. No one was there to take photos of me; none of my family showed up to watch. But I never graduated. I got married, had children and succeeded at becoming that person who everyone expected me to be; the person who would never amount to anything.  Eventually when my marriage failed, I did go back and get my G.E.D., but I still only worked mediocre jobs like waitressing, or as a housekeeper at a motel.  

I guess if you talk to some people, they would even tell you that I was a mediocre parent. I was a mediocre house keeper, a mediocre cook, and held mediocre jobs when I did work. The only thing I did different was I did try to allow my children the chance to be in sports. I even volunteered to be a coach if they needed one. I did excell one time when I went to school for Automotive Technology.  I studied hard, worked hard and graduated with a 3.75 grade point average in a field dominated by men.

It became important to me to take photos of my grandchildren playing sports.  I wanted to show them that whatever they did was important to someone besides them. I started out just taking photos of them playing, which led to taking photos of their teams playing, and that led to taking pictures of other teams as well.  Parents would tell me how much the appreciated it, and tell me that I was really good at taking pictures.  It gave me confidence and made me feel like finally I was breaking out of that "You'll never amount to anythng" role.  When my grandchildren moved away, I continued to take football picturs every Saturday out of loneliness.  It gave me an escape from my house every weekend.  Parents would ask me to take photos of their children playing and were very appreciative that I would take good photos of their children.  I even started taking photos of a semi-pro football team that really respect my ability.  A friend suggested I go to college for Photography and even suggested the course and school he was taking.

It frightened me at first.  I was never more than an average student in High school. Could I even keep up in college?  My first challenge was an entrance exam, which was suprisingly easy enough for me.  Soon I realized that I could probably do this and even make it through to graduation with honors.  After the first full year and still remaining on the Honors list I had gained confidence enough to think that I had finally broken out of my fate...I could amount to something.

But alas, now I am hearing the same negativity.  Maybe I am not good enough to be anything besides that person on the sidelines trying to be something I'm not.  I'm just another person with a camera.  My work isn't that good....it doesn't compare to that quality of people who take photos for a living...

Maybe I'll never amount to anything after all.  

Words hurt people more sometimes that punches.  Bruises heal, the hurt that comes from always being told something negative never go away.  They remain in your head forever.  And just when you feel like you have beat them down, they return to hurt again.

So that's how I feel now...Why bothering trying to be someone I'll never be.  There will always be those words reminding me I'll never amount to anything.

Home Plate

Home Plate

Hello, Dad

I thought of you today

Walking home from work.

Like I have so many days

I stopped off for a cold one with the boys,

Ordered one to go.

I felt your hand on my shoulder,

But when I turned no one was there.

I took the short cut through the field

Where the school once stood

Only the ball diamond remains unchanged

Where you taught me how to play.

I remembered your arms around me

Showing me how to hold the bat.

Life lessons taught in innings.

How to catch, and pitch and hit,

You taught me how to choke the bat,

How sometimes a bunt is better

Than a grand slam to left field.

I learned how to slide into home plate,

My body showing the bruises for weeks.

In my mind I could see the bleachers

Filled with friends, and proud parents

I smelled the scent of oiled leather,

And heard the crack of the bat

As it made contact with the ball

Winter has changed the landscape.

The bases are covered in a white blanket;

Winter’s icy wind steals my breath.

You wanted so much from me

An easier life than yours.

But, here I am, following in your boot prints.

A bottle in my hand.

Your lessons were not for me

I was going to be someone,

Leave this town far behind.

Response to Litany

You are the warm sand on Virginia Beach
And the white water on the tips of the waves.
You are the green grass of the meadows
And the white clouds in the sky.
You are the eggs and the flour
But you are not the noodles.
You are the sails in the wind,
However you are not the mud between my toes.
And you are certainly not the lightning in the sky
The thunder in the night,
Or the wind rattling the windows.
But you may be the milk in my cereal.
It is possible that you are the scent of the hyacinth,
Maybe even the soft feathers of a duckling,
But you are not even close
To being the smell of puppy’s breathe.
You are neither the dead leaves of winter’s trees
Nor the melting icicles dangling from the eaves.
I thought that you should know,
When it comes to how you make me feel
I am the thorn on the rose,
The sap on the maple tree
And the spider’s web along the path.
I may also be the crust on the bread
But I am not the peanut butter in the middle.
I also happen to be the tuna in the casserole
But I am not the peas and the cheese.
I am the camera in the photographer’s hand
But you are the photograph.
You are all the pleasant memories
But you are never the bad dreams.
You could never be a bad dream.
You will always be the warm sand on Virginia Beach
And perhaps, you will be the water
As it washes the sand beneath my feet.

Love Is a football game

Love is a football game.
The field stretched out 
With lines both horizontal and vertical
That define the boundaries of Love.
The goal posts stand like giants in the end zone.
Love is the stands where spectators watch with anticipation.
Love is the sound of helmets as they crash into each other
Love is the slap of pads
And the sounds of bodies colliding.
Love is the exhale of air as bodies thunder down the field.
Love is sweat, and tears and hard work.
Love is training and practice
And training some more.
Sometimes you just want to sit in the stands
And watch everyone else in love.
But often times, love wants to be on the field.
Love is offense and defense.
Love wants to be the quarterback
In charge of calling all the plays.
Love sends you on a slant pattern
And you are carried down the field
Love wants to be the one to score.
Sometimes you kick love
How far you go depends on the kicker.
You fly high, flipping over and over,
Spiraling through the crisp morning air
Hoping, waiting for love to catch you.
You soar through the goalpost of love.
And everyone cheers for you.
Love doesn’t always win.
Sometimes in love there is losing.
Love is trying your best
And hoping that you are better for trying.
Love is working with others,
Even if they are different from you.
Love knows the plays and how to execute them.
Love studies the play book.
Love knows the rules
There are no referees in Love;
No one to throw a flag
Or call a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct.
Love is a give and take.
Sometimes you gain ten yards to a first down.
Sometimes love sets you back.
You may be tackled by love,
Or love sacks you in the backfield.
Love blind sides you if you aren't protected.
Love is taking the field or sitting on the sidelines.
You can be a starter or second string.
But do not sit the bench.
Even the water boy dreams of love,
Living vicariously through those who do love.
The football of love gets in your blood.
Love is overcoming the fear of loss,
Of someone stronger hitting you hard.
Love is a concussion, and hurt, and breaks.
Love is triumph in the face of defeat.
Love never keeps score.
There is no Super Bowl of Love,
Love drafts players.
Love is made up of owners,
Of Coaches and players.
Love has spectators, fans and sponsors.
You never truly know love until you play the game
Hope you Like my poem!
Hugs and Love to all:
Thank-you to all who inspire me!.

The forgotten Cemetery

When I moved to Ohio over ten years ago, I already new I would be spending some time searching through cemeteries and historical records to research my Father’s family. A family member on my mother’s side had already compiled a large family genealogy of her side. My mother was born in Millis, Massachusetts….and being from New England, the records were bountiful.

My father on the other hand was born in Ohio. We knew one of his Great- grandfathers had immigrated from Germany as a child with his parents. One relative was thought to have moved to Ohio from Missouri. It is rumored this relative was a distant cousin of the famed “Jesse James” and the Dalton Boys. As of this writing, I haven’t found any proof one way or the other with this connection. I have been able to research some of his relatives and found some of them moved to Ohio from the Shenandoah region of Virginia.

My husband’s family is also from Ohio. A family Genealogy of his father’s side exists in a book compiled by Grace H. Croft  entitled “Descendants of Johann Jacob Dispionit”. His mother knew very little of her father’s side. So I began with what we knew and began to research historical records found in libraries, church and court records, cemetery records and census records.

I became friends with a man, who then lived in Florida. He had done a great deal of research on many Ohio families, including some that were also in my husband’s family. He led me to many of the local cemeteries and helped fill in many of the blanks.

This led me to go in search of Turkey Run Cemetery. I was told it was a very remote cemetery in shattered remains. It was marked by a wooden sign at the end of a one lane dirt path partially hidden by a cornfield at the time. I visited there over eight years ago. The first time, I drove right past as the sign could only have been seen from one side.

This year in one of my photography classes for college, we were given the assignment of building a series for our portfolio. I would have preferred to use my vast collection of Football photos, but the instructor wants us to “step out” of our comfort zone….My next choice was Tombstones….Our first assignment was to find a photographer that does something similar to what we have chosen, and to present it to our instructor. I found such a photographer in John Thomas Grant, who coincidently is from Massachusetts, near where my mother spent most of her childhood years.

The next steps were to take a series of photographs (25 or more), convert them to black and white, narrow them down to the 5 or 6 best photographs and be able to present them to the class each week for critique.

My first thought was to go back to some of the 30 or so cemeteries I had visited previously and take photos there. My first cemetery was Elmwood, which I have blogged about previously. I went to 3 cemeteries that day; but when I went in search of Turkey Run Cemetery, I could no longer locate it.

In class I went through websites and copied names and directions to over 30 cemeteries I would like to visit. Turkey Run was among them. It wasn’t until my third trip out to cemeteries that I decided to do what I could to locate it. I looked for the familiar fence lining the farm across the street from the sign and found what I thought was the right fence, but no sign for the cemetery. I drove awhile longer and made a u-turn to head back the direction from whence I came. And out of the corner of my eye, way back off the road, I spot the old rural church that sits beside the cemetery. I slow down searching for the dirt path that leads me back to the remains of what is Turkey Run. The sign no longer exists. If the cornfield had not been plowed and cultivated, I may never have spotted it from the road.

I share these photos with those who may appreciate them….There are 33 photos. Click on the link and hit “View all” to see them

https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/104614614006010788949/albums/5947814791789182577

Long Time gone

Well I know everyone has probably been wondering where I have been.  Some of you who follow me on Facebook know I have been a busy “little beaver”.  Not only have I been working at “Wally World” as a cashier for the past year and a half or so, but Since January, I have been attending college for Photography.  Actually I am going for an Associates degree in Arts and Science/Photography.

It has been a lot of hard work getting back into going to school AND working, but it has been lots of fun and rewarding.  After 2 semesters, I have a 3.789 gpa…..and considering I almost dropped Sociology, that is saying something!  The good news is that Walmart actually is giving me a $2,000 a year scholarship.

This semester, my middle son decided to go back to college with me.  He is going through the same program….As a matter of fact, on Mondays and Wednesdays we are in class all day together!  He’s having just as much fun as I am….well I do have Algebra…and it’s definitely not my strong suit.  This old brain just can’t wrap around all those x-y problems….And why do I need this for photography again???

I have all 4 of the art teachers as I am taking Photoshop, Black and White Photo Studio 1, Ceramic Dinnerware and Glass blowing….Yes I said glass blowing!!  The first 3 I mentioned are the same 3 my son attends with me. 

I think he has this photoshop thing down…

We are creating our own dinnerware.  Mine has been truly inspired by my family.

mineJeremiah’s

These were our test plates…..

Glass Blowing is an art…and a skill that means burns and broken glass and some wonky looking first tries…But I love it. At first it was working with solid glass

paperweightflowers

and now we’ve moved on to blown glass

There’s so much more news I need to catch up on.  But that will have to wait for another day….Meanwhile, I have homework, and a long day ahead so I’ll have to get to that now…

More Later!

Hugs and Love to all!

At the end of Summer

Here we are. Midway through August. All over the United States, children are preparing to go back to school. Many schools have already started back while some lucky  children won’t go back until October.

It has been a busy summer for me. I spent the summer bouncing between College and work, while spending my day off with The Lancaster Sabers Semi-pro Football team. Now I’m out of college until September 3rd and the Sabers are in the first round of playoffs.

I have been a little lazy writing here on my blog. I haven’t posted any new photos, or written any witty comments.  My brain is almost fried from all the school work. English, Math and Sociology have been a challenge, but I managed to come out of this semester with 2 A’s and a B ending up with a 3.60 average for the semester and a 3.789 average for Spring and Summer semester combined.

The fall will be fun, but the busiest semester so far.  My son has decided to go back to college with me. Together, we will be in school from 8 a.m. until 9:30 p.m. on Monday and Wednesday, and from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. on Tuesday and Thursdays. When not in school, I will be working at Walmart….and hopefully I’ll have time on Saturday to take photos at the youth football games.

Just to prove how busy I am and how my brain is being pushed to it’s limits, I have forgotten most of my passwords! now I have to keep them stored on the computer, and hope I haven’t changed them on my iPad!

Things haven’t changed that much for me. My daughter still doesn’t talk to me, I rarely hear from my grandchildren, and when I’m not in school or working I’m on Facebook or sleeping. Since the semester ended for me on August 6th, I have slept more than usual….It prevents me from missing my family and being depressed…I see them in my dreams….I have 2 more weeks to try to survive the depression.

In the fall, my classes will include Pre-Algebra, Photoshop, Photo Studio Black and White, Ceramic Dinnerware and Glass Blowing….plus some class called H.C.Cornerstone…..which is basically a “focus on Success” class….Being on the Dean’s list, I think I have figures out how to succeed…

I do hope to get an invitation to join the Honor Society.   think it would look good on a resume, and I’m working towards that right now.

I have a new car…new to me anyway since my other car decided to die on campus in April 6 days before the end of the semester..and I’m looking to upgrade my camera.  I’ve been shooting approximately 1500 photos every weekend….Maybe one of these days, I’ll be getting paid to do something I love.

I’m working on being a part of an art exhibit in September…more news on that as it gets closer….

Now…..let’s see if this will post…..or will I have to change another password…

Hugs and Love to all!

,

New Day, New Doctor

I finally made it to my first year working at my new Wal*mart.  Now I can get medical coverage through them so I decided with my age being over the halfway point it might be time to find a new family doctor.  I have medical coverage through the military, but this backwards town has no idea what a military I.D. card is, what it’s good for or how to file claims.  In the past (12 years ago!) I had  a really good doctor…for about 6 months until he quit the practice and moved away.  I talked to some of the people at work and almost everyone had an opinion.  I finally located a doctor that takes both of my medical cards now.  Her name is Elaine Lewis.  So I made an appointment for the time I knew I would be out of college.

Today was my first appointment.  I got there early and filled out the forms.  Within a few minutes I was back having my blood pressure and pulse taken.  I knew the results before I started….I have high blood pressure.  I have been occasionally checking it at work for free, and it runs in my family anyway so it was no surprise to me. From all the reading I’ve done, I knew it was something that needs to be looked after. 

The doctor came in and went over my history.  She had several recommendations.  The first is that I start taking a baby aspirin a day.  The second is that I get a bottle of Glucosamine / Chondroitin and take it as recommended until the bottle was empty.  Then stop taking it to see if I felt any different.  From the internet and through Elaine, I learned this may help my joint pain…. She said it helps some people and some people it So I’ll try this to see what happens.  She also told me I could take 2 Aleve twice a day.

Finally she prescribed a low dose High Blood pressure medication which she wants me to take until my next visit in June.  Before my next visit, I need to fast for 8 hours for blood work, etc.  I guess I’ll also have the yearly things coming up….pap smear and mammogram…Yuck!  I’ve never been one to take a lot of medication…Now I’m up to at least 3 pills a day.

And she told me to stay off roller skates….which leads me to…..

Now for the other recent news:  about 2 weeks ago today when I went to college my 1998 Ford Escort wagon was driving okay all the way there….Between classes, I went out to start it and it made an awful rattling racket and would not stay running.  I locked it up and walked the mile or so to my next class.

After class I called AAA for a wrecker and started walking back to the main campus.  A fellow student picked me up and took me the rest of the way.  When we got there the wrecker was already backing up to my disabled car…..and there was this huge puddle underneath.  The 37 mile tow seamed to take forever but I REALLY am glad I opted for the Gold membership.  The shop I take my car to is about a mile from my house.  They told me it would be the next day before they could even look at it.  Now I was left with a dilemma…how to get to and from school  and work.  I only had 6 days left of school

My sister-in-law stepped up and let me use her SUV the next day as I only had my photography class.  During the class, the shop called and gave me the bad news….my car’s engine was blown.  They would get estimates on the repairs and give me a call later….Bad news….a used engine would run $2000 and a new engine would run $4500!  The mechanic told me if I could afford either, I’d be better off getting a new car…..GREAT!

I talked to my sister-in-law and was able to use her car on 3 other days.  One day she took me to school and a fellow art student let me ride home with him….The jerk that I had given a ride to the entire semester didn’t even volunteer to let me ride with him. 

Getting to work was another problem.  The first night my sister-in-law took me to work.  I walked the 2.5 miles home at 11 p.m..  The next day I went to work I walked to work.  I had the “brilliant” idea of buying roller skates to get home…..Let me make this perfectly clear….God did not put enough padding on my backside……after the 3 time I fell on my butt and braced my fall with my arm, I decided to take the skates off and walk the rest of the way….The next 2 days I rode my bike both ways….even in a light drizzle.

I called my mom and we talked for awhile.  She said she would send me $700.  I was able to come up with an additional $200 to put a down payment on another vehicle. Monday when I came back from school, I used my sister-in-law’s SUV to go car shopping.

Once again, several people had suggestions for me…I listened to my son and went to a “Buy here, Pay Here” company that one of his friends used.  They told me to use their name.  When I got there I found some really nice people.  They had 2 cars they would work with me on.  The first was a Mustang Convertible….nice car, but I know it would get me in trouble and the convertible would require a lot of maintenance in our area….not practical in the winter time either…So I settled for a 2003 Dodge Neon.

It’s not a bad car.  Has a CD player and good radio.  Haven’t figured out how to use the cruise control yet.  no owners manual…but I can buy one and only 1 key….That’s a problem since I have locked my keys in the old car at least 4 times!  A duplicate key cost $70! (I’m told they have a chip in them and cost twice that at the dealer)  But I can have a door key made for about $3….so I’ll get one made. I didn’t have the entire amount for the down payment so the dealer made some adjustments to my payments.  For 10 payments, I have to make an extra $30 on the payment, and when I get my overage check from Summer session in school I pay the rest. 

The good thing is unlike my previous dealership, this one reports to the credit bureau, so as long as I make payments on time, my credit will improve. 

Now whenever Wal*Mart calls me in, I can no longer afford to let it ring.  I have to pick up extra hours whenever I can.  My husband is supposed to get a refund of his 401K he had through the job he got fired from because he didn’t have enough in it to keep it; which I filed for so he wouldn’t be able to hide it from me.  It will be for over $1200 which I’ve already told him I am getting half of since he doesn’t seem interested in looking for a new job.I’ve been struggling to make ends meet as it is.  Now I have a car payment and increased insurance as I have to have full coverage now.  He can give up some of his income to help.

New Car, New Drugs, New Outlook….

I waiting to hear what my final grades were for the semester. I know I have an A in English, and I’m hoping for an A in all the other 3…I’m not sure about Art as I did have to work with an idiot….Who failed to show 4 of the last 5 classes….I repainted almost everything he had done.  In the end, everyone including the teacher agreed it was all my creation.

 The best news of all was the idiot failed all of his classes  and I have been told he won’t be returning to college.  At least I have that to look forward to.  Summer semester starts May 20th.  I’ll have 3 classes; Math, English and Sociology. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

School

Well my first semester in college is almost over.  I don’t know what I was so worried about.  It must have been thinking about having to do English and Math after so many years…Well, now I know I’ll have 2 English classes, 3 math classes and Sociology along with a course called “The Human Machine”….basically an anatomy class in place of biology or chemistry.

This past semester I took Digital Darkroom, Art Design 1, Art Appreciation and English Composition with reading. My favorite course would be the Digital Darkroom since it deals with editing photos…

 

But another class I have a lot of fun in is Art Design 1.  Basically, it’s an art class; with some drawing and some painting…(Did I mention that I am the oldest person in all my classes, except for my teacher in Art Appreciation who is 2 years older??)  I hit it off with the young crowd when they realized that I listen to the same music most of them do…Having never taken art in my High school days….you know back when there were still dinosaurs….I didn’t know how well I would do…

Our final grade is dependent on a 2 person painting.  There is one person in my class no one wants to work with because he spends class time playing on the computer or his phone….and gets all of his ideas from the internet.  He’s going to college for “Game Design”….but he can’t draw his own designs???? I would much rather pick someone who at least is serious about school work, but when it came down to being paired up, I was the “lucky” one to get stuck with him….All my other classmates have expressed how sorry they are for me…You see another problem he has is very poor hygiene….i.e. HE STINKS!!

His total contribution so far is he wanted to do something  “Beatles” themed (It’s all he listens to and sings to himself….off key….and he doesn’t know half the words…..)  You know…..”Yellow Submarine”, “Octopus’s Garden”, “I am the Walrus”…..so I combined them….He was supposed to take the original drawing home and work on it….After 2 days off, this is his drawing:

Thank goodness I also worked on it:

Then we had to put this on a 3’ x3’ board and paint it….After 3 days it looked like this

He painted the Yellow blue and green as we didn’t have to mix those colors…I mixed and painted everything else….

the next time we painted,

He painted the submarine…..Did I mention this class is 2 1/2 hours long?..

I did the shading, the tusks, re-mixed and painted the orange……I think you get the idea who is doing most of the work…..

One day he didn’t come to class…he said it was because he was sick…..Ooops! What happened to the clown car? I mean Submarine?

My paint brush got white paint on it!!! Hey, the teacher said we couldn’t waste any paint….and anyway, she suggested I paint over it and start over to make it look more realistic….I forgot to take a picture today when I left the art hall, but I’ll take one Monday before we start painting again…but let’s just say the submarine is still white, but I did the darker shading on most of the colors while he tried to figure out how to draw portholes….

Then I got extra credit in my Art appreciation class where I had a “B” already….

I now have an A (97.23)…

Basically, I have already passed English Composition but I have 1 last composition….Did I mention I hate writing when you are constrained by only using certain topics and forced to follow a set pattern??? (at least 750 words, A Thesis Paragraph, 3 body paragraphs and a conclusion paragraph)

Spring Semester ends May 1st.  My last day of English will be April 23rd if my composition passes without needing any editing….My finals are due April 30th for Digital Darkroom. I’ve signed up for my summer and Autumn semesters….Summer will be a necessary evil (English Comp 2, basic math Sociology) beginning May 20th.  But Autumn will be a blast! I’ll have Photoshop, Black and White Photography, Glass Blowing, Dinnerware (ceramics) Beginning Algebra and this idiot course called HC Cornerstone. (for new college students…I’ve been told there is no real learning in this class)

So Now I’ve caught you up on school….I’ll blog again soon on more of my projects….

Hugs and Love to All!

Soooooo What’s new with you????

I’m just writing a new blog to let everyone know I haven’t fallen off the Earth…..yet.

As some of you know, I started college on the 7th of January.  I am going for an Associates Degree in Arts/Photography.  At 56 years old, it is proving to be a challenge for me…and I love it!

I applied for student loans and grants before I actually enrolled in college.  I was afraid of not being able to afford to go after I went down and checked out the program. The college is about 35 miles from my home. But there was no reason for me to worry. The loans and grants not only paid for the classes, but the books and the parking pass.  I had enough money on my account that I signed up for a meal plan too.  There is a 2-3 hour break for me between my morning class and my afternoon class; and I didn’t want to drive home in between or worry about saving money to pay for lunches, gas, etc.  I can get lunch or breakfast just using my student ID.

The biggest news is I applied for a scholarship through my job and found out this week that I got it! For a 2 year Associates Degree, the company will give me $2,000 a year….That will really help pay off student loans; and I’ll have the extra money I need to stay in school.

There are some drawbacks. The biggest one is the drive.  No big deal as it’s all interstate until you get to the little town it’s in.  Let’s just say the college makes the town!  I am the oldest person in my classes and that includes most of the “Professors”!  My Art Appreciation teacher may be the only one near my age.  Her class is the one that has the most homework…I can look at art, and tell you if I like it or why I like it….but I can’t interpret what the artist is trying to convey….and I have had a chapter to read each week with a 250 word essay to hand in….that’s probably the hardest for me to do….I still haven’t done this week’s homework yet, but I do have an extra day this week because of a holiday Monday…No school.

The classes I have found to be the most fun art Art Design and Digital Darkroom…no tests!  Just a lot of hands on in class work….and that’s fun.  I’m no artist, but Art design doesn’t require you to be an expert and so far I’m enjoying the experience….Digital Darkroom is actually the second part of Photoshop which I can’t take until the fall.

Then there is English Composition with Reading….Yeah, I can write blogs and I can read so now all I have to do is learn the “proper” way to write!

So I go to college 4 days a week, and work 4-5 days a week….which overlap.  I have no days off unless for some reason (like Monday’s holiday) I have the day off from both! 

I received an overage check this past week and have put most of the money in the bank..I did buy an iPad to use at school.  I can do my homework on it and next year I’ll be able to use it as a tax deduction as a college expense.  Carrying my 17” laptop back and forth to school along with my books was getting Heavy!  Now I’m learning how to use it.  Before long, I’m sure I’ll be an old pro at it.

In the meantime, I have been taking photos of the school being demolished and I’m working on a new blog for it…

So be patient…I’m still around…As my dad would say, “I’m busier than a one armed man in a Paper Hanging contest!”

Hugs and Love to All!

Hoping for Change in 2013

It has been one long, disappointing year.

Many of you know that I have been hoping for things to get happier for me this year.  There are certain people in my life that I would like to spend more time with, but can’t.  For one thing, they live too far away..  I have tried to keep in touch with them through Facebook.  It has mainly been a one way proposition…. I have sent many texts.  I have held back from saying things that were really on my mind.  And, in the end, I have spent more time crying than any other one time in my life.

I started the year unemployed.  That changed in April when I took the chance and applied for a job with a company I have worked for in the past.  I have one major problem….my mouth. 

When I was much younger, and married to a different man, I never spoke up.  With everything he put me through, I decided when it ended for me to never be quiet again.  I would speak my mind and make no apologies.  Never again would I let anyone walk all over me; and just take it.  So in speaking my mind, I learned to stand up for myself.  There are certain things I will not let people do; I will never let anyone accuse me of doing something I didn’t do, accuse me of lying, or accuse me of stealing.  So in the past with this company, I stood up for myself and ended up quitting rather than let someone abuse me.

I was rather surprised when I was hired.  Now, 8 months later, I have become very comfortable with this new store and most of my fellow employees…My last store, I worked for 8 months and can honestly say I didn’t know as many people as I do in this store…  They are very friendly and easy to get along with.  Some of the people I knew at another store where I used to work.

Having a steady paycheck, I thought my life would be easier.  I thought wrong…  Things I had no problems with for the 3 years I was unemployed suddenly and steadily started breaking down.  I had 2 flat tires in one week.  My VHS/DVD player that I have never had any problem with quit working.  My son’s T.V. quit playing any sound….. I dropped my phone in the toilet…..My pride and joy, my camera, quit recognizing memory cards….7 family members died….

But the good thing was I at least have the money now to replace these things.  I bought a newer, upgraded camera and lenses on layaway.  I even bought a new laptop.  I replaced my son’s 4 year old computer that had recently been starting with “The Black Screen of Death”.  I was able to spend money on my grandkids for things they wanted.  I bought birthday and Christmas presents for my sons that I haven’t been able to buy for in recent years.

I was the “grandparent” for the football team my grandsons used to play for, and between that team and several other teams, I really felt like I was important to someone.  To them, I guess I am.  But it didn’t make up for the people I really miss….My Daughter and my grandchildren.

My daughter quit talking to me June of 2010.  There was a time when I wasn’t even allowed to talk to several of my grandchildren because of something someone else said in a text message to my phone, that I wasn’t even carrying at the time….But my grandchildren rebelled and I was able to spend 6 months enjoying the company of 1 grandson before their move out of state….

Since then, the contact between them has been very sparse…. Oh, they would text me on paydays if they wanted something, but that was the extent of the contact.  I have tried several times to send cards to my daughter trying to repair our relationship to no avail.  I pay for my grand-daughter’s cell phone, but she doesn’t call me….or even text me unless I text her first…I found out too late when she was graduating; and no one bothered to tell me when she almost committed suicide.

So important days for me have gone without any notice….Mother’s Day, Grandparents Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and my Birthday.  My oldest grandson (My daughter’s oldest) now lives in a different state from his mother….and he always sends me a text on special days…He doesn’t ask for anything on paydays…He always ends his texts with “I love you”….and he has called without me calling him first.  He was the first to wish me Merry Christmas, and Happy Birthday….

I haven’t been allowed photos of any of my daughter’s children except for the ones they would post on Facebook.  It became too hard to look at the photos of them that lined my walls, so I put them away. 

Today was my birthday….and I was hoping the year would end on a good note….Instead, I have decided to cut my losses and forget about the people who I care about because it has become painfully obvious that they don’t want me in their lives.

They have made me out to be the bad one because all I wanted was for them to say “Happy Birthday” or “I love you”.

It may not be “all about me” ….but I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

In a week, I’ll be going to college…..and working.

From now on, it will be “All About Me”……They will have to find someone else to pick on….someone else to pay for the things they want…..someone else the can yell at and cuss at….Because they are no longer on my Facebook…I deleted them.

And maybe one day, they will realize how much they have hurt me . 

A Not so Grand ending

She stands alone.

Fenced off from all contact….No more does she hear the footsteps of young children.  No more books will be read…No more lunches, Christmas plays.   No longer will footsteps echo.  No more bouncing balls, no more running. No more sounds of laughter.

She stands alone…..

The end is near.  From every angle the signs of age and neglect can be seen.  The indignity of abuse is evident.  Once regal and grand, she now show the signs of old age.  A sad ending to something as old as she. 

She began her life in 1917.  She has existed alone since 2004.  People came close, they walked their dogs on the lawn, and children played on the swings….but she could only watch.  She even has her own Facebook page where people leave their comments, and their memories.  But she can not hear them.

The end is near.

Now you may think I have been talking about an elderly lady.  I wanted it to sound that way.  “She” is North School and this is what she once looked like.

…a grand old building that has seen many people pass through her doors. She was built in 1917 as a replacement for the previous North school.  She is the third North school built on this site.

Some have come as very young students on their very first day of school and many others have spent their entire elementary years there.

Several of my grand-children spent time there as students. I remember attending my grandson’s Kindergarten Halloween parade, another grandson’s Christmas Program, and many a book Fair and Parents days….I miss those days now but they will always be with me as precious memories.

She will no longer exist soon as she has been scheduled for Demolition.  The date had been set for December 10th, but so far she is still standing…although she has changed quite a bit…

Soon there will be a Fourth North School on this site.

In all, there are 7 Elementary schools in our community; North, (vacant since 2004), South, East, West, Medill, Tarhe and Sanderson.  All are scheduled for replacement…all of these school will be replaced one at a time….Many will be on the same sites, but others will move to new sites.

It’s a sad thing to think that most of these building are under 100 years old and in such disrepair that they are being condemned… Yet in some countries, their buildings are centuries old and still in use.  It doesn’t say much for how we treat our elderly….whether it be buildings or humans.

Rest in Peace , dear lady…..You have served your community well, and she is the one who let you down.

Dear God

 

Dear God:

It's me... the Dog!

Is it on purpose that Our
Names are spelled the same, only in reverse?

Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

 

When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?

Or will it be the same old story?

Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?

We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?

More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.

Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws up it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God:

When I get to Heaven,
May I have my testicles back?

At the Fair

The sun has set on the 2012 Fairfield County Fair.

The Ribbons and Trophies have all been handed out….The Market animals have all been sold and the money they brought has been given to those who raised the animals.

The rides have all been folded up, taken apart and moved on to other parts unknown.

The venders have all packed their trailers and gone home.

No longer does the smell of Fried Dough, Elephant Ears, Funnel Cakes or fair food linger in the air drawing you in….

But the memories linger on……

More shots later………….

Hugs and Love to All!!