Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dear God


Dear God:

It's me... the Dog!


Is it on purpose that Our
are spelled the same, only in reverse?b

Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?


When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?

Or will it be the same old story?


Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?


If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?


We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?


More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.


Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws up it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.


P.S. Dear God:

When I get to Heaven,
May I have my testicles back?