Friday, December 31, 2010

Just my luck!

Well, the old year, 2010, ended for me the way my whole year has gone. 

My Grandson who came home from the Army on leave for the holidays has spent less than 10 minutes visiting me.  He didn’t come for Christmas, or for my birthday.  He hasn’t called me since his first day home almost 2 weeks ago.  He didn’t even text me or e-mail me for either Christmas or my birthday.

I received more holiday wishes and “Happy Birthday” messages from my internet friends than I did from my own family.

I took my son to the bank today meet my husband there so he could get his pay check cashed.  Because I “had the nerve” to ask him for money to pay for his dogs’ license tags, I got yelled out.  He screamed at me because I complain about no one helping me around the house.  He thinks I should enjoy washing dishes  that have been left with food to dry on them because they carry them to their rooms and don’t bring them to the sink.  Then I get yelled at because the one son who does always bring his dishes to the sink gets “special treatment”!!  (This son who gets “special treatment” is also the only person living in the house that thinks of me on every special occasion and always makes sure I have a present even if it’s only a handmade card.) It’s not enough that I let the son giving me the tongue lashing my car to drive to and from work, and down to visit his friend 90 miles away for 5 days at a time.  I mean, I pay for the gas and insurance, and had to buy a new tire this month after he returned the car with a flat tire.  (I bought a new set of tires in March and very rarely put 100 miles on my car in a month’s time when I alone drive it!)  But 2 hours later he was sure to suck up to me so I could give him a ride to work. (Did I mention that when he asked if I had plans for the weekend I was told I needed to find another way to Bingo because he wanted to use my car again???)

So I went to Bingo with my mother-in-law….just to get out of the house….

I figured, I had been 6 times this month, been close to winning more times than I can count, I had 6 chances in the end of the month drawing, 6 chances in the Birthday month drawing and chances at a door prize…..What could be the harm?? 

The doors opened at 4 p.m….we got there at 4:05.  The line was already out the door!!  It has never been this busy before!  The games didn’t even start until 6:30.  By 5:30, they were dragging chairs from everywhere, pulling tables out of offices and even brought in the cast iron benches from outside for people to sit!  Then they started asking if anyone had chairs in their cars!!!  People were sitting on camp chairs, buckets and even kneeling!  I am sure the Bingo hall reached it’s 600 people capacity!

We left around 9 p.m…..after 12 games of Bingo, at least 50 drawings for door prizes, end of the month and Bingo, I left with $30 less than I came in with…..and nothing else!  My bad luck continues….

When I got home, my son took my car to the store to get dog food.  Then he “borrowed’ my car to once again go visit his friend 90 miles away….where his truck sits  after it broke down in  November and they towed it there to “Fix”…..

But it’s a new year….2011

At 12:01 a.m. January 1st, 2011, my “Special treatment”  son brings his cell phone down to me.  On the other end of the line is my “borrower” son…..”Hey mom, as I was pulling off the exit, your car cut off and won’t start back up”…….

Well Hey! I don’t need a car!! I just take everyone everywhere they need to go!….Next weekend my one son needs to go to his Reserves….I can carry him on my back right??? It’s only 33 miles away!  And I am sure I can carry my mother-in-law to the store and then carry her and all the groceries home on my back!!  I can walk to the Wal-Mart  a mile away when it starts snowing again to pay bills! 

Did I mention I don’t have a job….no bank account….no free towing… way to pay to get my car fixed/or buy a new one…..

So if this is the way my “New Year” begins….I hate to see what it is going to look like….

but hey! One thing I can look forward to… least I don’t have to worry about losing any more money!  I’m not walking to Bingo!

It will be bad enough walking to the basketball games….since that is the only way I can see any of my grandchildren….even if I am not allowed to talk to them…..


Thursday, December 30, 2010

A Very Un-Happy Birthday to me

born: December 30, 1956
5:48 a.m.
8 lbs, 10 3/4 oz.

A Flat Clearing (Desert plain) 
  Gender: Female
  Origin: Hebrew
German, Warrior 

Numerological Report: Life Path Number is 9. A 9 Life Path will lead you to look at all with love, compassion and tolerance. You will explore the connection that exists between all the things in our universe. You will learn to let go of your own desires to serve the better good of all of us. In whatever field you choose, your endeavors will help heal the wounds life inflicts on those around you. It is your mission to make our world a gentler, kinder place for all of us. 

Chinese Astrology animal: Monkey. Monkeys crave fun, activity and stimulation. They truly know how to have a good time and can often be seen swinging from one group of friends to another, attracting a motley crew in the process. Always upbeat, they are considered minor celebrities in their circle thanks to their sparkling wit and that rapier-sharp mind. Perhaps surprisingly, Monkeys are also good listeners and tackle complicated situations with ease. 

Mayan sign is: Eagle
You prefer to be a free spirit, spending time alone and keeping distance from most people. You have an escapist side, and the creation of a fantasy -- an escape from society, or a personal journey within -- appeals to you on a deep level. Perhaps this is how you simulate the high, soaring flights of an eagle.

Astrological sign: Capricorn. element: Earth. ruling planets: Saturn.  Symbol: The Goat.  stone: Garnet.

Life Pursuit: To be proud of their achievements.

Vibration: Powerful resilient energy
Capricorn Secret Desire: to be admired by their family and friends and the world at large

Rising Sign is in 17 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

If I Can Dream

There must be lights burning brighter somewhere
Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue
If I can dream of a better land
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand
Tell me why, oh why, oh why can't my dream come true
Oh why
There must be peace and understanding sometime
Strong winds of promise that will blow away
the doubt and fear
If I can dream of a warmer sun
Where hope keeps shining on everyone
Tell me why, oh why, oh why won't that sun appear
We're lost in a cloud
With too much rain
We're trapped in a world
That's troubled with pain
But as long as a man
Has the strength to dream
He can redeem his soul and fly
Deep in my heart there's a tremblin' question
Still I am sure that the answer, answer's gonna come somehow
Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle, yeah
And while I can think, while I can talk
While I can stand, while I can walk
While I can dream, please let my dream
Come true......right now


Elvis Presley

My New Years Resolution


No, I don’t mean for you to stop. That’s my New Year’s Resolution….To stop.

Stop trying to make people like me. (and stop caring if they don’t) Either they do or they don’t. If they do like me, fine.  If they don’t like me, that’s their problem.

Stop worrying about if I will ever see the grandkids again….or when….They know where I live.  They have my cell phone number. If they want to see me or talk to me, they know how. One day, they will look back and wonder on what they have missed.  It can not be replaced once lost. And I will not make excuses for them.

Stop trying so hard to be happy….If I am meant to be happy, it will happen all on it’s own.

Stop trying to be part of a family who could careless if I exists. If they don’t want to contact me, or only contact me when they need something, I should just scratch them from my list of those I should care about. And that is something I will have to start doing more of….Caring about myself, my needs and my feelings above all those of anyone else.

Stop spending so much time with people who ignore me most of the year. I have tons of friends here and on Facebook who spend more “time” with me than people who are supposed to be family. My internet friends care more for me than anyone else and I don’t have to beg them. They are always here and always supportive.  They lift me up when I am down and make me smile when I really don’t feel like it. And I love them all for it.

Stop holding in my thoughts and feelings.  From now on, I will say what I want, when I want. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but why should I spend so much time alone in my room crying over things I can not change.

Stop spending what little money I have on others who don’t appreciate it.  I will spend more on myself and make myself happy.

STOP! Just stop.

I know there are those who have more meaningful resolutions for the new year.  I know my limitations. I know I will never be a “Super Model” with an hourglass figure, perfect skin, gorgeous hair and tons of money. I am going to work on just being me; flaws, misgivings and all.


The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.


Hugs and Love to all who read this!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Always the Photographer, never the photographed

Christmas is over.

Santa has delivered all his packages. They have all been ripped open and Christmas dinner is now resting around the waistlines.

Does anyone know how long it would take coal to make a diamond if I stuck it up someone’s tight rear end?

My son was admitted to the hospital in Florida on Christmas Eve where he remains today.  The have been testing him for several things and finally came up with a diagnosis of “Polymyostis”.  Polymyositis (pol-e-mi-o-SI-tis) is an uncommon connective tissue disease. It's a type of inflammatory myopathy, which is characterized by muscle inflammation and weakness. (I had to look it up on the internet myself!) From my understanding, although it cannot be cured, it can be treated with medications that lesson the symptoms.

I was expecting much this Christmas.  I’m glad. I would only have been disappointed otherwise.  I expected a visit from my grandson….he didn’t come over.  He’s been home for almost a week and I have seen him for no longer than a brief 10 minute stop last Thursday. I went to bed at 6 p.m. and slept restlessly until this morning.

I sent a text message on Christmas day to my son in Florida, the 2 grand-daughters and 4 of my grandsons who have cell phones…..I heard back from all but 2; the one grand-daughter who I pay her cell phone bill here, and 1 grandson in Virginia.  I was surprised to get a text from the grand-daughter in Virginia who I have not talked to in 8 years. (except for the rare occasion when she visited with her Dad in Florida.) 

I did get a few presents….my husband surprised me with a bracelet, my middle son gave me a portable CD player/radio and $20 on a Wal-mart gift card to save for my computer.  My mother-in-law gave me the most; a pair of footed pajamas, a “Chantilly” gift set and an insulated shirt.

My “dinner” on Christmas day consisted of 2 slices of peanut butter toast and a mug of hot chocolate…..actually…besides chips and dip, and a hand full of pretzel M&M’s, that’s all I ate Christmas day.

The in-laws all came down today for the “family dinner next door at my mother-in-law’s house.  I left my camera at home on purpose.  (Yes, I only live in the duplex next door…)  I have been knitting scarves since October 11th. I gave away 11 today as presents. I also cleaned out my closet of “Anchor Hocking” glassware….I gave away sets of bake ware, mixing bowls, storage bowls, casserole dishes and beer mugs.

And yes, I was asked to get my camera out…..

Christmas 2010 014 grandma(my mother-in-law) with grandchildrenChristmas 2010 020 Mother-in-law and Children

Christmas 2010 002 sister-in-law Glenna with her family

Christmas 2010 022 brother-in-law Mark with most of his children

Christmas 2010 027 Niece Heather with her family

Christmas 2010 034 Nephew Chad with his family

Christmas 2010 036 Nephew Terry Jr. with his family

No, I am not in any of the photos.  I sent each family home with a CD of all the photos. 

I know Christmas is not about getting presents.  It’s about the birth of Jesus.  Getting together with family is just one way of celebrating his birth. 

Just once, I wish I could enjoy a Christmas with my children and grandchildren……where someone thinks I am important to them.

My birthday is in4 days…and I will celebrate it the same way I did Christmas….alone, in my room watching TV and knitting…

Hugs and Love to all my friends.  I hope each and everyone of you have a joyous New Year.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dear Santa,


It’s that time of year again.  Time for little children to tell you how good they have been and ask you for presents their parents can’t afford, can’t find in the stores or just don’t want their children having.  This year’s most popular toy is generally sold out by the time the children ask for it, anyway.

Not me.  I’m not going to lie, I have been a naughty girl this year.  Get over it!  I’m not going to change….much.  I say things that come into my mind without thinking.  I speak what’s on my mind….That will never change.  If I don’t like something, I’m not going to pretend I do.  So I have made a few people mad… Some people have cut me out of their lives, while I have had to cut others out of mine. Oh well!  I have to do what is right for me.  I’d rather be happy and alone, than to be surrounded by people who don’t care about other’s feelings.

I’m not kidding myself.  I know you can’t fit the new computer or flat screen TV that I would love to have down what is laughingly referred to as a chimney here. Besides, the fireplace has been blocked off because of the tree that fell on the chimney many years ago.  Neither will the new SUV I’d love to own.

I know you can’t bring world peace or end hunger. Or cure cancer.  Or prevent people from shooting other people, or robbing them or rape…..

I know you can’t give me the winning Lottery numbers….or help me win at Bingo….You can’t bring me “bags” full of money for me to spend however I want.

I know you can’t bring back my precious “Burrito”….my little mini-pin who ran away 18 months ago.  Or give me a small puppy like her to fill the hole in my heart.

So what would I like to have more than anything this year??  I would love to be able to see my grandchildren whenever I want….I would love to just hear their voices on the phone or even arguing in the living room.

I do believe in you, Santa Claus.  I believe in the reason for the season…..The birth of a little baby who was born, only to die on a cross for us.  Christmas is my favorite time of the year.  I love the decorations, the snow, the songs song by carolers, the candlelight church services….

But I miss those precious grandchildren.

So if you can’t “fix” this for Christmas, maybe by my birthday….You know when it is….

I look forward to your visit.  Pet the reindeer for me….

Love always,






I used to look forward to Saturdays during the summer and fall….Football!  Now there’s a game I understand!  I can watch football all day. Especially when my grandsons are playing. But that season is over for this year except for on TV.

Now it’s “winter sports”.  That means Basketball….I don’t understand this game.  No, I get some of the calls… “Double dribble” is when you use both hands to bounce the ball.  “Traveling” is when you move more than one foot while holding on to the ball.  “Charging” is when you deliberately run into someone…..But I don’t know the referee signals for some of the other things and to me it’s just running up and down, back and forth and a lot of nonsense about some show off trying to make shots they just aren’t capable of while trying to impress someone.

Now if it were wrestling, I’d understand….Take downs, pins, break-outs….I can watch wrestling.  I think it’s because when you see football and wrestling, it involves more physical contact.  I heard through the grapevine that my grandson was contemplating quitting Basketball and doing wrestling again this year instead.  Fine by me!  I enjoy that more.

Don’t get me wrong!  I support my grandchildren in whatever they do.  I go to their games, matches or meets and take photos of them.  I just can’t stomach more than 2 basketball games a day….It just bores me to death.  Especially when you have 1 kid who thinks he’s “Michael Jordan, Shaq, and the The Harlem Globe Trotters” all rolled into one.  If the kid wants to be a star all unto himself, maybe he should play golf…or maybe tennis….But when it’s a team sport, if he can’t play as a team, maybe he deserves to sit the bench.  Harlem_GlobeTrotters

So I have at least 2 games to watch today because of my grandson, and a friend’s son on another team….If I don’t fall asleep or die of boredom, I will be back later.

:Love and Hugs to all my wonderful friends…..


(is it over yet????)


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Don’t get around much anymore part 2

I have been thinking about all my friends here.  I haven’t been getting on the computer as much (not even on the “Dark side” i.e. Facebook!).  I have been hibernating in my room, bundled under the covers, watching TV and knitting.. I have been trying to keep my hands busy so my mind doesn’t wander to the sad side of my life….not being allowed any contact with the grandchildren that have been such a big part of my life.  I get a phone call once in awhile from my oldest grandson.  My grand-daughter will text me once in awhile. She sent me a picture text of her gingerbread house she had to make for her “Culinary Arts” class. Racheals Gingerbread house
I go to the youngest grandson’s basketball games and watch from afar….But I don’t get to talk to the my daughter’s youngest 3.  I miss them.
Stallions Dex 4 021
I have been knitting up a storm.  I have completed 9 scarves and have 6 more on needles to finish.  My mother-in-law decided she could knit scarves, too so she bought a circular needle, had me start the scarf and she was going to complete it….After half a row, she couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Had she dropped a stitch?? She was planning on knitting scarves for my sister and brother-in-laws (6 scarves total).  She handed the needle and yarn over to me, and it’s now my task to complete her presents to them….She really hadn’t dropped a stitch.  What she had done was started purling when she should have been knitting…..So now my work load has doubled. It takes me about 2 days to finish one if I work at it.  I now have enough yarn to knit through the winter!
Then my husbands Aunt called and asked if I could take some photographs of her great grand-daughter.  They had pictures done at one of the stores previously and it cost them over $200!  I told her I would charge her $25 for the sitting fee and make her a CD.  Then if she wanted prints, I’d make a 4 x 6 proof of the better shots and she could pick and choose which prints and sizes and I would just charge her for what it cost to make them.  My mother-in-law and I went to their country home yesterday with a few props we had come up with; bears, dogs, some blankets and table cloths for backdrops and a box wrapped in Christmas paper.  We set up a white Christmas tree she had in the basement and decorated it on their heated sun porch….The prints were very pretty…It’s so easy when you have a cute subject.  And I have found that most children photograph better when they are in familiar surroundings. Today I went to Wal-Mart to make the proof album, a sample Christmas card and a CD for them.  I was paid $50 so far….a little extra in my pocket. (She has a sober look! )
Emily 2010 019 Emily 2010 023 Emily 2010 046 Emily 2010 027  Emily 2010 059
I have been to Bingo now twice this month.  They had a special where if you went on Friday, you could get a special 4 pack on Tuesday for less than what it cost me on Friday!  So my mother-in-law and decided to go together  since I had made money on my photography. I have been so close to winning more times than I can keep track of; but so far, all I have won was a door prize (a plastic container of caramel cremes….now all gone) and 2 “Critter Cash” coupons for $10 each off my next packet…so I can play Friday for $5.  They are having special sessions on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve with tons of prizes.  The week after Christmas, I get $5 off my pack for my birthday, and if I go Christmas Eve, I’ll get $10 off on the next Tuesday! (or the special pack and $5 off). If I don’t win before the first of the year, I may not go as often as I have been….I don’t have the money to spend (or should I say waste!) but it does get me out of the house….I am becoming a hermit. I only go out to do my monthly errands; pay bills, buy some food, fill up the gas tank….Buy a new tire for my car since my son borrowed it and got a flat!
I put my tree up, and over half of the pre-strung lights were out, so I haven’t even decorated it yet.  It started snowing here December 1st but didn’t stick the first day because it had rained all the day before. It has snowed every day since….Mostly flurries. We have a light coating of the white stuff….The grass still shows through, the roads are clear.
Dec 8th 002
Just enough that the dogs and my outdoor cat doesn’t stay out for long.Dec 8th 003Smokey, wondering why I woke him up. 
My animals have been a great comfort. My mischief cat, Satan has found a new place to sit and lay.
Dec 8th 001 And he has a new hobby….chasing and catching mice in the cabinet under my sink where they manage to wiggle their way in around the pipes.  My husband found one of Satan’s new “toys” in the bath tub.  When he went to go get something to get it out, Satan had moved it under the kitchen table! He’d usually sleep under the tree, but the table is a little wobbly and I have put ornaments there until I get them on the tree with his favorite ornaments, the bells!
But I wanted all of you to know that I’m still here.  I miss all of you and I’m so glad you are my friends.
Hugs and Love to all!  Happy Holidays!  Be safe!