Friday, December 30, 2011

If I were a Rich man……

Remember that song from “Fiddler on the Roof”? 

Okay so I’m not a man….and definitely not rich….but I often think about it.

Every day I see people and stories that make my heart ache and I think to myself  “If I just had something to give….” 

Why do people do such things to each other?  A family who was homeless last year, living in their own home having their first Christmas when someone breaks in a few days before and steals all the presents for the young children….They are sad, but they are grateful for at least having a home this year…..

A wife and mother, widowed too early just before the holidays….left to pick up the pieces with an old home in need of many repairs and a stack of unpaid hospital and funeral bills.

Children….they are the worst…..Sick with cancer and fighting for their lives…..

or starving….

or living in a homeless shelter or tent…..

Or families too poor to have their children’s cleft lip or pallet repaired…

Veterans who fought for our country living on the streets….begging for change and sleeping in the snow in make shift shelters….

Mothers….standing on the street corners bundled in layers of clothing and braving the cold begging for change to feed their families…..

The other day, I went to the store with the $10 my mother had sent me for my birthday to buy something for dinner…As I was pulling out of the parking lot I saw her….Thin, small, wrapped up in layers of coats, scarves and gloves….shivering to stay warm against the cold winds and glooming skies with a sign that simply read “Homeless mother trying to feed my children….Please help”….All I had left was 50 cents…..but I rolled down my window and called her over……”Thank you! God Bless you!” she said….and I thought about it again…. “If I were a rich man…..”  Now I know 50 cents isn’t a lot, but I wondered…maybe a can of beans or some fruit….wouldn’t be much but I know she was grateful for the donation….

And today I read in our paper of the widow of our beloved Phil….the coach who gave so much to the football teams for over 20 years….Who was a pastor and in the choir of his church….who counseled many….who past out hugs like they were raindrops…..who would sit and talk with you about anything…..who will be greatly missed by hundreds if not thousands of people…..How the church is helping Beth with fixing the leaking roof of her home…and needs help with other repairs….How they have set up a memorial fund in her name at the bank to help her through these hard times….

I don’t have anything to give but my time….I live on so little as it is….But IF I were a rich man…. I would give freely of what I did have to help all these others whenever I could….

Dear Lord,

I pray that someday,

I will be able to return the blessings you have

given me to others less fortunate.




Hugs and Love to all!

Monday, December 26, 2011

One Holiday down….

Christmas is over….Thank goodness….One less miserable day in the year for me.

I had received a text before going to dinner from the middle grandson in Florida. He was happy to tell me that he received a laptop computer and a new I-Pod from his Dad for Christmas and now he could test me more often…He thought it was also my birthday so his message had started out “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday”.  But I told him my birthday is this Friday…but his grandfather’s birthday is Christmas.  I noticed his brother must have been on the home computer at the time and had also talked to him via text message..But he didn’t reply more than a few words.

When I first arrived to a house already half full of people (at 11 a.m.), I joined the “Potato Brigade”; peeling the 2 bags of potatoes for mashed potatoes.

I spent too many hours at a family members house sitting on the floor being ignored as usual.  At least 2 people talked to me for a few minutes and I did find “something” to do….


The big dog sitting in front of me is Destiny Dawn…when she wasn’t getting petted by someone, she was trying to get someone to play ball with her.  The other dog in the photo is Copper.  She would chase Destiny and grab her legs. Destiny would bring the tennis ball to you and chase it for hours. My brother-in-law took these photos with his cell phone…

One of the girls who talked to me (Summer, sitting on the floor with me) has 3 small children. The Youngest is an rolly poley 8 month old named Isaac…who weighs in at 21 pounds. He had the biggest grins and is a very happy baby…He loves everyone and loves to be held.  When the other adults decided to spend 6 hours playing a card game, Isaac, my son and I entertained ourselves…


Between playing fetch and holding and playing with Isaac, I also put him to sleep; while the other adults played a marathon card game of “Phase 10” (until almost 8:30 p.m.)…He had a long day and it’s hard to nap with 40+ people in 2 rooms all talking.

The other girl who talked to me was my niece. 

Children were fed first and scattered around the floor to eat. Then the younger adults went through and finally us older folks….By the time I got to the food, the turkey was looking like a pigeon, almost gone, there were a few mash potatoes, you had to really scrape the bottom and sides of the stuffing bowls put pies were aplenty. Obviously, only a few people gave their R.S.V.P. and this big a crowd was not expected…(Later I learned that I was the only one to let them know I would be bringing 3 people)….

I was so “welcomed” that I went on a 45 minute walk as I was feeling a little blue and needed time alone to cry…. and no one even noticed I was gone….Later my son and I also went on a shorter walk and only 1 person who happened to be outside knew we were gone….My Husband, tired of sitting alone, walked home around 3:30…he told me he was leaving and going home.. But no one missed him until after 7!  His own mother didn’t know he was gone until 8:30….and it was his birthday!

When I returned home, I checked Facebook to see if any of the remaining 5 grandchildren had even thought to wish me Merry Christmas…but none of the others  had thought of me.  There were plenty of “Mass Mailing” wishes from my facebook friends…and I appreciate them but it’s not the same as your family forgetting you even exist.

Now if I can just get through my birthday and the new year, I won’t have to put up with any more nonsense until at least the summer!

Hugs and Love to all!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Someday When You Are Older

Someday when you are older, You may find you have questions that only I can answer and you may come looking for me.

I have loved you since the day you were born.  I treasure every photo, every memory, every minute I was able to be with you.  I cried every moment we were apart.  I miss you every single minute of every single day.

There is so much time that we can not make up for….Missed holidays, missed birthdays, missed school and sports events.  I hope you know that although for whatever reason I couldn’t be there, I was with you in your heart.  You are always in mine….tucked away where no one can hurt you or take you away from me.

I never wanted to be away from you.  That was not my decision.  I would be there with you always if it was my decision to make.  I’d hold you close and never let you go….my love would surround you. My kisses and hugs would show you how much you mean to mean to me. There would be so many photos of us together they would fill volumes of photo albums.

Have you ever seen a Raven fly by or sit there just watching you?  Calling to you?  That was me…Watching you the only way I was able to see you.  Looking down from the blue skies or from the barren tree branches….or from the telephone wire…Calling to you, saying “I am always here for you”.

Someday, maybe soon, we will be together again and we will have so many things to tell each other that maybe the words will never stop flowing…

Just know in your heart that I have and always will love you….and I will be here….waiting….

Looking forward to the day when once again I can see your pretty face…your smile…and feel the warmth of you in my arms…

I miss you.

And I love you more than you may ever know…..

Monday, December 19, 2011

Can we take “Happy” out of our greetings??


The closer it gets to Christmas, the more depressed I get.

I don’t want to hear anyone else say “Happy Holidays”, or even “Merry Christmas….

The holidays will not be Merry or Happy for me….I have no reason to feel these feeling….I’m saddened every time I get a Christmas card and read these words.

My happiness left in June and hasn’t returned….I get by….I don’t cry every day….but I cry more often now.  No amount of Christmas songs, decorations, Christmas cards or chocolate can improve my mood, even though I try every day to forget that this year is so depressing without the grandkids around.

If you came to my house, there is no Christmas tree, no lights….the only holiday decorations are ones that somehow managed to escape getting shoved in boxes and closets last year.

And after Christmas I know I’ll hear more “Happy” wishes……”Happy Birthday” followed by “Happy New Year”…At least I know no one will be wishing me “Happy Anniversary” in January..  That will be more like “How have you managed to stay married for 32 years??”….and the only explanation is I guess I had hoped that eventually things had to get better….that one day I would be loved again…..

I used to be an optimist…..but every day, I am leaning more towards the pessimist.

Everyday I wake with one hope….”Maybe today will be the day that I get a call, a text or a message from one of my grandchildren”….and every night I go to bed without one….

And yet, I know that I have to put on my “Happy Face” every day….so people won’t know just how depressed I am.

So excuse me for being a “Scrooge”


but I can only be me……scrooge

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Think, Think, Think…..

The other night while lying in bed, I had the idea for a subject I wanted to blog on….But I didn’t write it down anywhere.

It reminds me of “Winnie the Pooh”'; who would try to remember something by thumping his head with a finger and repeating the words “think, think, think”….

Every day people admire the fact that I can recall so many things from my youth….The problem is, I can’t remember where I left my glasses yesterday! 

It’s a good thing I take so many pictures….I can look through them and remember where I was or what I was doing that date in time.

My mother taught me one thing through experience; never glue or tape a photo to a page….use photo corners where the photo can be removed easily.  And go through the photos and write names on the back, so later in life, when some of those people have left this earth for their “heavenly” home, you can look at the pictures and tell the young folks around you who is in the photo….I have a whole book of photos that belong to my Dad’s family, and because most have now passed on and the ones remaining are in their 80‘s and 90’s,  no one knows who some of the people are…

There are a few things I can remember on my own….

Like I want to replace the flannel sheets that I have had for 5 years…..For some reason, the fitted sheet always wears out first….So I have several top sheets.  My mom told me that she is sending my birthday money so I can get some fleece sheets that are on sale at Wal-Mart this week….I’ve never had fleece sheets, but I do have some fleece blankets….a necessity in this cold climate to keep the chill off in winter. The other day, my husband brought one home along with a “faux sheep skin- lined flannel” blanket that the Black Friday shoppers left behind at the store he works for in their mad rush to buy cheap presents.

The other evening, I took my son to Wal-Mart to get dog food…After his last ticket, he decided not to drive until all his fines are paid and he has his license back legally….While walking through the store, I found something I would just love to have; Eeyore footed pajamas….( much like the footed pajamas we bought for our children when they were little, but these are for adults.  Last year, I bought 2 sets of footed 2-piece pajamas at K-Mart….but they don’t seam to have them this year.  The problem with the Wal-Mart pajamas would be they zip up in the front, and you just about have to strip to go to the bathroom!  The 2-piece is much more practical…

crazyforbargains_2183_3273379 2 piece Eeyore onsies 1 piece


My son bought himself a new hat:

Jesse 003


So far he has only taken it off to sleep….Every time he walks past me, I can’t help but giggle…

now I have my fingers crossed tightly…I was sitting on the computer playing my Facebook games and my mother-in-law pops on with an instant message to send my husband over if he’s home…She wanted him to do a few errands like put the trash out and buy her weekly lottery tickets….I had a dollar left from my “riches” so I had him pick up a Mega Millions number for me, too. It’s up to $87,000,000 here….(wouldn’t that make a nice Christmas present??)

I was also talking to a dear friend, Anne, on-line and she told me to give her 6 numbers for the lottery “across the big pond”.  It’s 10 million pounds, which according to my money converter is  $15,634,200.  She bought one with the same numbers so we’d split the big prize if we won….We’d both have a wonderful Christmas!!!!

One thing I would definitely do if I won either one, I would get my passport, and I would go meet these wonderful people who have become fast friends through Windows Live and Facebook!  They could show me around their countries in person and I know we would have a wonderful time.

Hugs and Love to all!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

To my dad….and others who have passed

Dad in Heaven

Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ This Year poem

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
But earthly music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring
For it's beyond description
To hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
Trust God and have no fear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas
With our Savior, face to face?

May God uplift your spirit
As I tell Him of your love
Then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.

So let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirits sing
For I'm spending Christmas in Heaven
And I'm walking with the king!

Author: Wanda Bencke. (1998)

In loving remembrance of all those who are no longer with us….who have made that journey out of this physical world and now reside in Heaven with the Baby who brought us the reason for the season….

Though you are gone and we miss your voice and your smiles, your love is still in our hearts and your hugs reside inside with us always….

Grown Up Christmas wish

Tree and Presents

When the children were little, they looked forward to the arrival of the “Big Toy Book” that came in the paper after Thanksgiving.

It was the day they went through the Catalog and circled clipped or wrote their names on the things they wanted “Santa” to bring them on Christmas….

I miss that…..the excitement in their eyes as they “fought” over who wanted what and how they had been good all year and were getting everything they wanted.

This year, I don’t have any children, or grandchildren  to share the excitement.  So I did my own Christmas Wish List shopping.

If someone were to ask me what I would like for Christmas and they wanted to buy me something,  these are the things I would want…..

400 lensa longer IS lense


a battery packbattery pack flash a flash                  a mono-podmono pod

 lsc-01_catalog_images a light diffuser                wand scanner a wand scanner

(Get the idea????)

Today while shopping, I found some other things I’d love….like a negative scanner that scans negatives into your computer….and a cable that you can use to convert VHS-C tapes into DVD through the computer….

But here is my “Letter to Santa”:

Dear Santa,

I can’t say that I have been perfect this past year, but I have tried to be good.  If I could have one thing for Christmas and nothing else, this is what I would have you bring.  I included a photo so you won’t forget….

the Kids with Bob

 Please leave the guy in the funny hat there. But you can bring the other 4, my grandchildren, home for the holidays….

If you can’t fit them in the sleigh, please just have them call me, or send me a message on Facebook….I love and miss them so much….

(and you can include the 3 grandchildren in Virginia, too please!)



And on another note, today I learned that my oldest grandson’s ex girlfriend is expecting her son on March 2nd, 2012…..I have heard this will be my first great-grandchild, but I am not for certain yet….The baby is due 3 days before the Grandson’s birthday…..If it is his, I am hoping to be a part of this precious baby’s life too…..

Hugs and Love to all!!!