If I were a Rich man……

Remember that song from “Fiddler on the Roof”? 

Okay so I’m not a man….and definitely not rich….but I often think about it.

Every day I see people and stories that make my heart ache and I think to myself  “If I just had something to give….” 

Why do people do such things to each other?  A family who was homeless last year, living in their own home having their first Christmas when someone breaks in a few days before and steals all the presents for the young children….They are sad, but they are grateful for at least having a home this year…..

A wife and mother, widowed too early just before the holidays….left to pick up the pieces with an old home in need of many repairs and a stack of unpaid hospital and funeral bills.

Children….they are the worst…..Sick with cancer and fighting for their lives…..

or starving….

or living in a homeless shelter or tent…..

Or families too poor to have their children’s cleft lip or pallet repaired…

Veterans who fought for our country living on the streets….begging for change and sleeping in the snow in make shift shelters….

Mothers….standing on the street corners bundled in layers of clothing and braving the cold begging for change to feed their families…..

The other day, I went to the store with the $10 my mother had sent me for my birthday to buy something for dinner…As I was pulling out of the parking lot I saw her….Thin, small, wrapped up in layers of coats, scarves and gloves….shivering to stay warm against the cold winds and glooming skies with a sign that simply read “Homeless mother trying to feed my children….Please help”….All I had left was 50 cents…..but I rolled down my window and called her over……”Thank you! God Bless you!” she said….and I thought about it again…. “If I were a rich man…..”  Now I know 50 cents isn’t a lot, but I wondered…maybe a can of beans or some fruit….wouldn’t be much but I know she was grateful for the donation….

And today I read in our paper of the widow of our beloved Phil….the coach who gave so much to the football teams for over 20 years….Who was a pastor and in the choir of his church….who counseled many….who past out hugs like they were raindrops…..who would sit and talk with you about anything…..who will be greatly missed by hundreds if not thousands of people…..How the church is helping Beth with fixing the leaking roof of her home…and needs help with other repairs….How they have set up a memorial fund in her name at the bank to help her through these hard times….

I don’t have anything to give but my time….I live on so little as it is….But IF I were a rich man…. I would give freely of what I did have to help all these others whenever I could….

Dear Lord,

I pray that someday,

I will be able to return the blessings you have

given me to others less fortunate.

Amen

 

 

Hugs and Love to all!

One Holiday down….

Christmas is over….Thank goodness….One less miserable day in the year for me.

I had received a text before going to dinner from the middle grandson in Florida. He was happy to tell me that he received a laptop computer and a new I-Pod from his Dad for Christmas and now he could test me more often…He thought it was also my birthday so his message had started out “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday”.  But I told him my birthday is this Friday…but his grandfather’s birthday is Christmas.  I noticed his brother must have been on the home computer at the time and had also talked to him via text message..But he didn’t reply more than a few words.

When I first arrived to a house already half full of people (at 11 a.m.), I joined the “Potato Brigade”; peeling the 2 bags of potatoes for mashed potatoes.

I spent too many hours at a family members house sitting on the floor being ignored as usual.  At least 2 people talked to me for a few minutes and I did find “something” to do….

The big dog sitting in front of me is Destiny Dawn…when she wasn’t getting petted by someone, she was trying to get someone to play ball with her.  The other dog in the photo is Copper.  She would chase Destiny and grab her legs. Destiny would bring the tennis ball to you and chase it for hours. My brother-in-law took these photos with his cell phone…

One of the girls who talked to me (Summer, sitting on the floor with me) has 3 small children. The Youngest is an rolly poley 8 month old named Isaac…who weighs in at 21 pounds. He had the biggest grins and is a very happy baby…He loves everyone and loves to be held.  When the other adults decided to spend 6 hours playing a card game, Isaac, my son and I entertained ourselves…

Between playing fetch and holding and playing with Isaac, I also put him to sleep; while the other adults played a marathon card game of “Phase 10” (until almost 8:30 p.m.)…He had a long day and it’s hard to nap with 40+ people in 2 rooms all talking.

The other girl who talked to me was my niece. 

Children were fed first and scattered around the floor to eat. Then the younger adults went through and finally us older folks….By the time I got to the food, the turkey was looking like a pigeon, almost gone, there were a few mash potatoes, you had to really scrape the bottom and sides of the stuffing bowls put pies were aplenty. Obviously, only a few people gave their R.S.V.P. and this big a crowd was not expected…(Later I learned that I was the only one to let them know I would be bringing 3 people)….

I was so “welcomed” that I went on a 45 minute walk as I was feeling a little blue and needed time alone to cry…. and no one even noticed I was gone….Later my son and I also went on a shorter walk and only 1 person who happened to be outside knew we were gone….My Husband, tired of sitting alone, walked home around 3:30…he told me he was leaving and going home.. But no one missed him until after 7!  His own mother didn’t know he was gone until 8:30….and it was his birthday!

When I returned home, I checked Facebook to see if any of the remaining 5 grandchildren had even thought to wish me Merry Christmas…but none of the others  had thought of me.  There were plenty of “Mass Mailing” wishes from my facebook friends…and I appreciate them but it’s not the same as your family forgetting you even exist.

Now if I can just get through my birthday and the new year, I won’t have to put up with any more nonsense until at least the summer!

Hugs and Love to all!

Someday When You Are Older

Someday when you are older, You may find you have questions that only I can answer and you may come looking for me.

I have loved you since the day you were born.  I treasure every photo, every memory, every minute I was able to be with you.  I cried every moment we were apart.  I miss you every single minute of every single day.

There is so much time that we can not make up for….Missed holidays, missed birthdays, missed school and sports events.  I hope you know that although for whatever reason I couldn’t be there, I was with you in your heart.  You are always in mine….tucked away where no one can hurt you or take you away from me.

I never wanted to be away from you.  That was not my decision.  I would be there with you always if it was my decision to make.  I’d hold you close and never let you go….my love would surround you. My kisses and hugs would show you how much you mean to mean to me. There would be so many photos of us together they would fill volumes of photo albums.

Have you ever seen a Raven fly by or sit there just watching you?  Calling to you?  That was me…Watching you the only way I was able to see you.  Looking down from the blue skies or from the barren tree branches….or from the telephone wire…Calling to you, saying “I am always here for you”.

Someday, maybe soon, we will be together again and we will have so many things to tell each other that maybe the words will never stop flowing…

Just know in your heart that I have and always will love you….and I will be here….waiting….

Looking forward to the day when once again I can see your pretty face…your smile…and feel the warmth of you in my arms…

I miss you.

And I love you more than you may ever know…..

Can we take “Happy” out of our greetings??

The closer it gets to Christmas, the more depressed I get.

I don’t want to hear anyone else say “Happy Holidays”, or even “Merry Christmas….

The holidays will not be Merry or Happy for me….I have no reason to feel these feeling….I’m saddened every time I get a Christmas card and read these words.

My happiness left in June and hasn’t returned….I get by….I don’t cry every day….but I cry more often now.  No amount of Christmas songs, decorations, Christmas cards or chocolate can improve my mood, even though I try every day to forget that this year is so depressing without the grandkids around.

If you came to my house, there is no Christmas tree, no lights….the only holiday decorations are ones that somehow managed to escape getting shoved in boxes and closets last year.

And after Christmas I know I’ll hear more “Happy” wishes……”Happy Birthday” followed by “Happy New Year”…At least I know no one will be wishing me “Happy Anniversary” in January..  That will be more like “How have you managed to stay married for 32 years??”….and the only explanation is I guess I had hoped that eventually things had to get better….that one day I would be loved again…..

I used to be an optimist…..but every day, I am leaning more towards the pessimist.

Everyday I wake with one hope….”Maybe today will be the day that I get a call, a text or a message from one of my grandchildren”….and every night I go to bed without one….

And yet, I know that I have to put on my “Happy Face” every day….so people won’t know just how depressed I am.

So excuse me for being a “Scrooge”

 

but I can only be me……

Think, Think, Think…..

The other night while lying in bed, I had the idea for a subject I wanted to blog on….But I didn’t write it down anywhere.

It reminds me of “Winnie the Pooh”'; who would try to remember something by thumping his head with a finger and repeating the words “think, think, think”….

Every day people admire the fact that I can recall so many things from my youth….The problem is, I can’t remember where I left my glasses yesterday! 

It’s a good thing I take so many pictures….I can look through them and remember where I was or what I was doing that date in time.

My mother taught me one thing through experience; never glue or tape a photo to a page….use photo corners where the photo can be removed easily.  And go through the photos and write names on the back, so later in life, when some of those people have left this earth for their “heavenly” home, you can look at the pictures and tell the young folks around you who is in the photo….I have a whole book of photos that belong to my Dad’s family, and because most have now passed on and the ones remaining are in their 80‘s and 90’s,  no one knows who some of the people are…

There are a few things I can remember on my own….

Like I want to replace the flannel sheets that I have had for 5 years…..For some reason, the fitted sheet always wears out first….So I have several top sheets.  My mom told me that she is sending my birthday money so I can get some fleece sheets that are on sale at Wal-Mart this week….I’ve never had fleece sheets, but I do have some fleece blankets….a necessity in this cold climate to keep the chill off in winter. The other day, my husband brought one home along with a “faux sheep skin- lined flannel” blanket that the Black Friday shoppers left behind at the store he works for in their mad rush to buy cheap presents.

The other evening, I took my son to Wal-Mart to get dog food…After his last ticket, he decided not to drive until all his fines are paid and he has his license back legally….While walking through the store, I found something I would just love to have; Eeyore footed pajamas….( much like the footed pajamas we bought for our children when they were little, but these are for adults.  Last year, I bought 2 sets of footed 2-piece pajamas at K-Mart….but they don’t seam to have them this year.  The problem with the Wal-Mart pajamas would be they zip up in the front, and you just about have to strip to go to the bathroom!  The 2-piece is much more practical…

2 piece 1 piece

 

My son bought himself a new hat:

 

So far he has only taken it off to sleep….Every time he walks past me, I can’t help but giggle…

now I have my fingers crossed tightly…I was sitting on the computer playing my Facebook games and my mother-in-law pops on with an instant message to send my husband over if he’s home…She wanted him to do a few errands like put the trash out and buy her weekly lottery tickets….I had a dollar left from my “riches” so I had him pick up a Mega Millions number for me, too. It’s up to $87,000,000 here….(wouldn’t that make a nice Christmas present??)

I was also talking to a dear friend, Anne, on-line and she told me to give her 6 numbers for the lottery “across the big pond”.  It’s 10 million pounds, which according to my money converter is  $15,634,200.  She bought one with the same numbers so we’d split the big prize if we won….We’d both have a wonderful Christmas!!!!

One thing I would definitely do if I won either one, I would get my passport, and I would go meet these wonderful people who have become fast friends through Windows Live and Facebook!  They could show me around their countries in person and I know we would have a wonderful time.

Hugs and Love to all!!

To my dad….and others who have passed

Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ This Year poem

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
But earthly music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring
For it's beyond description
To hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
Trust God and have no fear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas
With our Savior, face to face?

May God uplift your spirit
As I tell Him of your love
Then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.

So let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirits sing
For I'm spending Christmas in Heaven
And I'm walking with the king!

Author: Wanda Bencke. (1998)

In loving remembrance of all those who are no longer with us….who have made that journey out of this physical world and now reside in Heaven with the Baby who brought us the reason for the season….

Though you are gone and we miss your voice and your smiles, your love is still in our hearts and your hugs reside inside with us always….

Grown Up Christmas wish

When the children were little, they looked forward to the arrival of the “Big Toy Book” that came in the paper after Thanksgiving.

It was the day they went through the Catalog and circled clipped or wrote their names on the things they wanted “Santa” to bring them on Christmas….

I miss that…..the excitement in their eyes as they “fought” over who wanted what and how they had been good all year and were getting everything they wanted.

This year, I don’t have any children, or grandchildren  to share the excitement.  So I did my own Christmas Wish List shopping.

If someone were to ask me what I would like for Christmas and they wanted to buy me something,  these are the things I would want…..

a longer IS lense

 

a battery pack  a flash                  a mono-pod

  a light diffuser                a wand scanner

(Get the idea????)

Today while shopping, I found some other things I’d love….like a negative scanner that scans negatives into your computer….and a cable that you can use to convert VHS-C tapes into DVD through the computer….

But here is my “Letter to Santa”:

Dear Santa,

I can’t say that I have been perfect this past year, but I have tried to be good.  If I could have one thing for Christmas and nothing else, this is what I would have you bring.  I included a photo so you won’t forget….

 Please leave the guy in the funny hat there. But you can bring the other 4, my grandchildren, home for the holidays….

If you can’t fit them in the sleigh, please just have them call me, or send me a message on Facebook….I love and miss them so much….

(and you can include the 3 grandchildren in Virginia, too please!)

Love,

Sharon

And on another note, today I learned that my oldest grandson’s ex girlfriend is expecting her son on March 2nd, 2012…..I have heard this will be my first great-grandchild, but I am not for certain yet….The baby is due 3 days before the Grandson’s birthday…..If it is his, I am hoping to be a part of this precious baby’s life too…..

Hugs and Love to all!!!

The Holidays are here……

Ahhhhh….

Nothing says the Holidays like Black Friday….some store now call it Blue Friday or Green Friday….but we all know what they mean…..Everyone gets there wallet out to rush the stores for the “Great” deals being offered.  You know, like the 42” TV for $200….the “camera Kit” for $49…..

The deals are so great, some people just have to act stupid….take this guy:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/black-friday-madness-shopper-pepper-sprays-crowd-deal-a-wal-mart-shootings-ca-sc-article-1.982565

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like a face full of Pepper spray!  There is nothing a store sells that is worth getting sprayed by someone with a can of pepper spray who just wants to be first in line….

Nor is there anything I want that is worth this:

Or How would you like to be waiting in this line to the cash register???

You can search the internet all day and find images of the violence this 1 day causes….Customers and police pepper spraying other customers, police slamming people to the ground and in one case knocking a man unconscious and bloody for supposedly shop lifting while shopper use cell phones to record their total lack of concern for the unconscious man….instead letting the blood flow while they hand cuff him….A man in West Virginia trampled to death while shoppers rush past him to buy some cheap thing they will probably end up returning the day after Christmas when they realize “Cheap doesn’t mean Good”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy3CLQ-EBq4&feature=related

One thing thing needs to be clear here...If you clicked on the link and watched the video you learn several things...a) the man was trying to protect his grandson from being trampled and wanted both hands free to do so, and b) he had not left the store with anything so had not shop lifted anything yet.... Concealed, maybe, but if this man was trying to steal something, couldn't the police have waited until the man attempted to leave the store without paying??? I hope he sues Wal-Mart and gets millions of dollars for the treatment he received and never shops at Wal-mart again!

I used to work in retail….I’ve seen the crowds, the fighting over items and even shopping carts; and the long lines of returns after the holidays when the items they fought for turn out to be pieces of cheap junk…

As for me, I sit at home.  I go out in my own time and if there was something I was really interested in, and the store still has some left, I buy it then….If the items are all gone, they just weren’t meant to be mine….

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand why some people do this madness every year….To save money….I’ll save my money all year, and pay for quality items….I’m just as broke as the next guy, I just can’t see hurting someone for any reason….

Sad News…..

My morning routine has been the same for months…..I wake up when my little puppy Lacey decides it’s time to get up around 8a.m., let her out with my son’s 2 bigger dogs, feed and water them then feed and water all the indoor pets, start the coffee pot, wash whatever dishes accumulated in the sink over the night thanks to the “Dish Fairies”, and turn the computer on.

I open my face book page and read any stories or updates that collected over night and then begin to play my “Farm” games….

Yesterday I got a real shock.  When I opened my home page, there was a message from one of our coaches saying a dear friend had  passed away….Coach Phil McKnight Sr. of the Rising Park Razorbacks.

My oldest grandson played for Phil his first 3 years here as a Razorback.

My 2 Nephews played for the Razorbacks, too.

Phil was a dear friend, a good christian, a great mentor and he demanded good sportsmanship from all his players and parents as well.  He didn’t allow any cursing on the practice field or the sidelines from players, parents or other coaches.  He never yelled or raised his voice.  You knew by the look on his face when you did wrong. Phil had style….

We came to know his wife, Beth whose birthday just happened to be the same day as my daughter’s.  We met his 4 sons; Chad, Phil Jr., Chris and Brett.  All played football and went on to play basketball. 

Two of his boys currently play for teams “across the big pond”, one started his own sports training business here and the youngest is in college playing basketball.

2 of his sons always by him on the field

 

 

The Razorbacks had some bad seasons over the years.  My grandson just happened to be on the team when they placed second in the league in 2004.  Many years they placed in the bottom half of the teams, sometimes never winning a game….but Phil never gave up on them…..Every year for their banquet, his wife, Beth cooks most of the meal.  Every year, no matter where they placed in the league, Phil made sure the boys and girls got a trophy of some sort….One year, he even made up special plaques for the 6th graders complete with a face mask and Razorback with their names on it.  One year my grandson got a special trophy for the number of tackles he made all season.

Phil and son

No matter what team I cheered for, I always made sure that I got a hug from Phil that day.  His smile was infectious.

Phil was known for standing on the fields during the games.  All the other coaches couldn’t figure out how he didn’t get called on it more than he did. Everyone respected him.

Clearly 5 yards in!

 

He always asked about the family, and even tried to talk some sense into my daughter when she cut me off.  Although my daughter respected Phil, she just couldn’t bring herself to admit that she would ever need me or want anything to do with me again…..but Phil insisted she needed to try.

For the past 2 years, the Razorbacks have been the City League Champions.

2010

  2011

When I first knew Phil, I was knitting scarves….back then I was only doing the “Harry Potter” colors, but I made one with the Razorback colors just for Phil…. most people would be satisfied….Phil loved in but later he asked for a plain white one so he could wear it to church….I finally made it for him this year and gave it to him October 29th at the Championship game.

Phil had heart problems.  For 2 years, he had problems with the internal defibrillator that was installed in his chest.  More than once it went off when it shouldn’t have and he had to be taken from the football field in an ambulance.

This year, his team will have a heart wrenching banquet….It was supposed to be last Saturday, but got postponed until this Saturday….I’m sure it will get postponed again now…..

The local paper ran an article on the front page today about his passing.  No news yet on a funeral….The family is probably waiting so all 4 sons can come home and they can find a place large enough to hold the crowd…..It will probably be a huge funeral….Phil touched so many lives….He will be greatly missed.

Rest in Peace dear friend!  You will be greatly missed by many…May the Lord watch over Beth, Chad, Phil Jr., Chris and Brett….may the love we all have for you and your family carry them through.

God must have need another player on the football team……

Hugs and Love to all!!! 

I hope in the end, people realize just how short life is…..and realize that nothing should separate family…not even a silly argument.

In the Nick of time

As some of you may know, the only contact I have had with my 4 grandchildren since June has been through Facebook. 

Daily, I check their pages to see if there is any news I would love to hear of their new lives so far away.  My daughter has never spoke to me again; and the last time I spoke with any of the grandchildren I was told she is still mad at me.

The youngest grandson very rarely gets on the computer from what I understand; but did play football for a team in Florida.  He had 3 years experience when he moved there; but because of his size and weight, he had to play for a younger age group…He is 11 and played with a 9-10 year old team; the 49’ers.

His mother (my daughter) was taking photos and videos at his practices and games (nothing like what I would have been taking) then “tagging” him so they would go on his Facebook page.  I could go on to his page, see the photos of his game and watch short video clips of him playing….I’d even copy and paste the photos into my computer to look at later.  If you are familiar with this practice, you may well know that some photos done this way are of a really low quality and don’t make very good prints….but to me they are precious….my only contact with the “loves of my life”…

Tyree

I looked forward to getting up every Tuesday just to see the new photos.   This past Monday was the Championship play-off game.  They played the game at my grand-daughter’s High School; Chocowatchee Senior High.  I scrolled through the photos saving each one to look at later when I need something to cheer me up.

The 49’ers won their game and are this year’s City League Champions!  According to what my daughter posted, the game went into overtime with my grandson scoring the touchdown that tied the game, and one of his team mates scored the extra points to win it for the team.

I posted a note under one of the photos, sharing it with my friends and saying congratulations to my grandson and the team….

Later I went on my facebook to see if anyone had commented about the photo and it was gone!!  I went back to my grandson’s facebook page and all the photos and videos of his football season were gone. My daughter has either deleted her facebook page, or made it private so I cannot view the photos…But it’s too late….although I could not copy the videos, I do have copies of the photos!  I will miss any photos of him playing in the “Turkey Bowl”  the weekend after Thanksgiving; but at least I had the chance to “see” him play the regular season.

On the other hand, I have a better surprise.  My grand-daughter who was kept from contacting me for over 8 years is now one of my Facebook friends.  She graduated in June and turned 18 in August.  I now get to talk to her and see recent photos of her…

Samantha

As you may recall, the tift between my daughter and I started after my grand-daughter and her family came to my oldest grandson’s graduation and I was chastised for wanting to take a photo of her with my grandson following the ceremony. I am so happy that she wants anything to do with me; but I know she knew all along that I didn’t stay away because I wanted to…her mother kept her away from me.

Zack

I have also been chatting with another young grandson…He called me one day wanting to know some genealogy on the family.  At 11, he wants to know where he came from.  I have been making some charts to send him at his other Grandpa’s house where he now visits on the weekend.  He and his brother were living there until the school found out. He told me he’s been trying to convince his mom that they need to come up here for a visit.  It would be so nice and I would even travel to my brother-in-law’s farm if I had to to see them.

For now I have to be happy with that….Knowing that my grand-children do love me and they will find a way to see me again….when they are older and they get away from their unreasonable parents. 

As for the grand-daughter who I pay for her cell phone bill….she has no excuse….She graduates in June 2012.  Her cell phone contract runs out in July. She turns 18 next September…..if I don’t hear from her before then or get invited to her graduation, I will have the phone shut off…..Why should I pay the extra money for a phone that she can’t even use to call or text me….She “allows” me to be her facebook friend, but I am not allowed to make any comments….I put pictures of her on my facebook and tagged them so she could see them on her page, and she removed all the tags….erasing them from her page.

I love the holidays, but this year will not be happy ones for me.  My birthday falls between Christmas and the new year and I doubt I’ll hear from any of the grandchildren or my 2 oldest children…..

And  that will make me cry more…..

Hugs and Love to all!  

Newest project addiction

  Last week I was hit with a sudden realization that my life is totally boring without football so I decided to do something.

I take THOUSANDS of photos…..sometimes I print them, sometimes I use them in Videos I make.  Often times though, I just move them from the camera, to the computer, to a hard drive.

Waiting to hear from the coaches about the Banquet, I decided to make something as a gift for the Head coach who I have great respect for and have worked with now for 5 seasons….I went to the local craft store and bought a scrap book.  Last month the store where I usually print all my photos had a special for their employees….of which my husband is one….50% off all photos….So I got busy.  I had 10 coupons for $1 off orders of 25 photos or more….I made up 4 packs of photos from the football games and ordered them on-line….my husband and I also get 10% off all purchases on top of the special offers….so basically I got over 100 photos for under $4!!  I placed several other orders to make sure I could use up as many of the $1 coupons I could before they expired.

My trip to the craft store was to get just the right album, some theme pages and stickers to add to the ones I had at home already….and see if there was anything new I needed to add.  I found a scrapbook that looked like a football.  Perfect! I had several pages already that were football themed and I had some football theme stickers but I found many more I wanted to use too.  Then it was all a matter of organization.

I set the album up to include a title page and a “Coaches” page….Then using the individual tea, photos I make a point to take every year, I made pages up of the individual players as a yearbook would be.  Using Vellum, I printed a team roster. Some pages were set up to go with the banners I had made this season….I printed pictures of the banners and trimmed photos to fit the pages.  I had a blast!

Not wanting to leave anyone out, I also made pages for the Cheer Leaders.  I had some cheer stickers that went along with the football stickers and added them, too. Since I didn’t take many pictures of them actually cheering, I used ones I had taken at the Cheer Expedition….so I am very thankful that I went to the Championship games.

I was so excited when I finally finished the book, that it inspired me to do more.  I have some metallic markers that I may use to get the boys to sign the inside covers of the book.

And now wit’s just a matter of waiting for the banquet to present my “Masterpiece”.

Last night, another flash of brilliance came to me….A long time ago, I had set up an scrapbook with pages to make a family scrap book….there are pages for holidays, Family Genealogy, special occasions like graduations, seasons….etc.

I have boxes of left over photos from other photo albums I have created…..I spent a couple of hours last night going through a small portion of these….my son is home today and getting ready to kick me off the computer…..so I am going back to my room and work on this project….I will take photos and post them later of both projects….

It should keep me out of trouble for about a week….or maybe bore….I hope!

My mood is upbeat…so the photos will bring back smiles of long ago….

Hugs and Love to all!

I AM……

How do you define yourself?

I used to define myself as a married mother of 4 with 8 grandchildren….

Now, I am unsure of how I want to describe myself….Mother of 4 doesn’t seam right when only 2 children consider me their “Mom” anymore….The 2 oldest ones that I worked so hard to raise as a single mother for over 3 1/2 years of their early life don’t want anything to do with me….

Grandmother of 8 doesn’t sound right as the only contact I have with any of the 8 is an occasional posting on Facebook.  I have tried by texting or calling them. I send them cards, pictures and letters.  I pay the cell phone bill for my youngest grand-daughter….But my letters, texts, calls, etc. go unanswered or even acknowledged…..unless they need money. My contact is limited to checking their Facebook pages for recent photos, activities….anything to make me feel a part of their lives. My grand-daughter doesn’t even want me posting on her page.

Even the “married” part doesn’t seem right…After 31 years of marriage, I have nothing to show for it.  My “husband” barely acknowledges me.  On paydays he hands the money, or asks for a ride to the Flea market where he stays on the weekends…But no love, no kisses, no hugs….The last time we went anywhere together as a couple was when I demanded to go out to eat for my 25th wedding anniversary….and ended up paying for it myself…I don’t get presents, I don’t even have a set of wedding rings. I wear a ring I inherited from my Dad when he passed….It was his dad’s.

Now if I said I’m an unemployed, cook, housekeeper, pet care giver, taxi service who lives with 3 adult men…who although related never consider I need more….then that is more accurate. My middle son would do more if he could. He is my constant companion and seems to know when I need comforting, or cheering up.

I don’t even feel like a part of a family anymore.

I moved away from my parents and siblings because my husband and, at the time, my daughter wanted to be near his family. She wanted away from the drama in a quiet setting.  His father had just passed away and he wanted to be near his mother and siblings….But now that we are here, we are no more a part of their lives than we were when we lived near mine. At least when I lived near mine, they called every day and we spent time together.  His family gets together 3 times a year….Thanksgiving, Christmas and a summer family “reunion”…and every year, less family shows up.In almost 10 years, I am there as an outsider….to take pictures; but never be in any. The rest of the year, no one calls, or stops by….unless they want something from one of us….like me to take pictures so they don’t have to pay a real photographer.

Is it so wrong to want more?

No wonder I stay depressed and on the verge of tears most days….If it wasn’t for my 2 dogs, I’d probably never get out of bed….. 

   

What do I do now??

Football is definitely over now….The Championship games were last Saturday along with the Cheer Expedition.  Only thing left now  is the Banquet for our team and no telling when that will be.  The Fund Raisers we used this year were flops….and we had 3 of them!  One was at a local restaurant; an all day affair where we earned a whopping 10% of the proceeds if people took a flyer with them (we made $50!).  The other 2 we sold discount cards….one was for a pizza place…the cards cost $20  of which we kept $5…The other was a drive-thru where we sold the cards for $5 a piece all profit… I think it was a combination of lack of spirit this year and a “Who cares anyway?” attitude that started on the field and continued ….

So I have put away all the spirit wear, and the camera feels neglected sitting in it’s case alone in the corner.  I have nothing to take pictures of until something interesting….like snow….happens.  Fall came and went in less than a week.  The temperatures dipped and the leaves all changed color and fell from the trees so fast it would make your head spin. 

I did get a few pictures from the football field….when things were slow I’d look around for anything to shoot. Even in these you can see that some of the trees are already bare.

My phone and in boxes remain silent… I haven’t heard from my grand children in weeks now.  I am beginning to give up on any contact with them at all….I have a birthday card to send this month, but I don’t think I will add the usual letter inside.  It’s plain to see they don’t want to hear from me…I doubt they even read them….just rip open the envelopes to get the money and throw everything else in the garbage.

I haven’t decided what to do about Christmas.  I don’t really have the extra money to send much to them as I have to pay for my Car license tags renewal and my Driver’s license renewal in December.  And they don’t even let me know when they get the things I do send.  Usually I love Christmas…..this year, I don’t think I will bother with the decorating….and I know I don’t want to go to any of “his” family functions.  I am always the “Fifth wheel” and only there for the food and to take pictures of people who could care less if I was even there….So even if it is next door like last year, I will stay home.  I can make my own dinner and enjoy it more at home. 

I have talked to several different insurance companies and I am considering purchasing life insurance for myself.  I don’t want to be a burden to my 2 sons who do live at home when that time comes…and I want to make sure the ones who care the most for me are taken care of when I am gone….Morbid, I know….but my husband could care less what I would do with him if he passes first….I have considered donating his body to anyone who will take it!….(Like a medical school or such) He has no insurance and has no interest in getting any…and quite frankly, because he drinks and smokes, I can’t afford his insurance.

I look forward to the snow…..White and pristine….the cold biting my nose…..At least I will have something to take pictures of…..

And look forward to the spring and it’s early blooms….

Hugs and Love to all!!

It’s Over

Another chapter has been written.

Another story told.

The end has come and it was not your storybook “Happily Ever After”.

Football season for the Miller Park Vikings came to a close Saturday in a sad ending…..The play-off game against the Maher Raiders, our “arch” rivals, ended in a 26-0 loss.  There was no consoling the 15 sixth graders and the 3 year boys….Tears flowed freely…

 It also brings to a close another chapter. The last year for the Miller Park Vikings as such…Next year, they will be known as the “Miller Park Mayhem”.

The first play-off game, 8 teams play.  Four teams that win go on to play on Wednesday.  Four teams take “The Walk of Shame” to the shelter house to turn in their helmets and shoulder pads.  It always seams like a long walk for the boys….There is no running….no pushing or shoving….Heads hang low and tears cover their faces and in some cases cause their “Eye Black” make-up to run.

  

No amount of kind words about next season being a whole new beginning will help. For teams went home; The Lanreco Hurricanes, The Glasco Patriots, The Hocking Chargers and the Miller Park Vikings.

They fought hard.  Some games were held to respectable scores….not allowing the other team to lose by much….After one team was ahead by 2 or 3 touchdowns, they would pull out their first string boys and allow the younger players in the game to maintain the score and give the other team a little chance of scoring….

One game really disturbed me….The Glasco Patriots are a new team.  They are young, and small….During the 10 game regular season, they never won a game.  They only scored 20 points all season. They placed last in the league and therefore had to play the first place team, the Cherry Street Chiefs…..The Chiefs beat them 36-0…..Highest scoring game all day….and the Chiefs never took out their biggest boys…..There was no sense in this.

I don’t know when the Banquet will be… The fund raisers this year that the team did were not very profitable… I talked to the coach and told him I would like to bring my son who helped with the banners…He said he would call me.

The coaches and families hung around long after the game was over…talking about the future.  I have already been asked to come back next year to take the photos…and I will….

What else do I have to look forward to?

Hugs and Love to all!

 

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