Wednesday, October 12, 2011


I have often wondered if what we do in our daily lives, effects what we dream about at night.

If we have an argument with someone during the day, do we dream about them at night?

If we watch a show about killing or death, do we dream of someone dying or killing us when we sleep?

If we go to bed after looking at pictures of loved ones near and passed away, do they come to visit us at night in our dreams?

If so, then I need to change the things I do during the day…..I need to watch more “Happily ever After” movies, spend my evening going though old photo albums of the happy times in my life and stop worry about what the future holds.

I often think about what will happen to us when my mother-in-law passes away.  I worry that because she has told everyone that her house is to be sold and the proceeds split among the 4 children that we will be in our 70’s out on the street looking for affordable housing.   My mother-in-law is 81, my husband is 60….she has 4 children; 3 that own their own homes and my husband who barely gets by on the $1400 he brings in every month.  This is an older home that has not been cared for in the best way.  The wiring is old, the windows don’t hold back the cold temperatures and the heating system and plumbing is outdated.  Several houses on this street in the past couple of years have remained on the market for years, and then ended up at auction….selling for under $40,000 a piece…..Now that is barely a drop in the bucket, (a mere $10,000 a piece) towards a place to live.  If put away in a fund of some sort, I imagine we could use it to pay rent on someplace for awhile….but with the average rent going at $700 a month, that would only last a little over a year. Maybe it would make a down payment on a mobile home….or an affordable home.  But who wants to sell to an “elderly couple???

My mother also has said her home is to be sold and the proceeds split among her 6 children.  She is 89….Her home is in better condition and in a better, more desirable location .  Her home is valued over the $200,000 mark and would give us much more, I am sure.  But still in the back of my mind I am thinking; for those of us that don’t own our place, will the sale of the property give us enough to live on??  One brother has come into money several times, and still at 50 lives at home with Mom.

Maybe this is why I go to sleep dreaming of owning my own home.  Beautiful places with big yards, gardens and big rooms…Warm houses with fireplaces, updated appliances and garden bath tubs….Master suites with their own bathrooms and seating areas….Room for all the grandchildren to come and stay with me….

I go to bed looking at photos of the children and grandchildren I haven’t seen in months, or in some cases, years…..and I wake up crying over the dreams of them living without me there to hold them.  I see them growing up without me there to hug and kiss them.  I feel the emptiness of the hole they left in my heart when they moved away.

I go to bed after a day at football where parents argue about which team is better than the rest…. who they can beat and who they can’t…… who has lost, who has won, and who is the better sportsman……and I dream about young girls, cheerleaders, who make snide remarks to adults….

An argument with a spouse or a son, turns into a dream about death….

Movies turn into loved ones long passed away coming to visit or talking to me, giving me advice.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could control our dreams….  Dream only of pleasant things and wake up with a smile on our face and joy in our hearts every day??   Where walking through the woods is just that, not running from someone out to hurt us…..walking on the beach without dreaming of drowning…..Where our loved ones gather around us in peaceful homes and yards, where children laugh and play, and hugs and kisses abound…..Where Love Conquers all….and abides….

I need to change the way I live every day…..and live each day without remembering the past and fearing the future.

And maybe, JUST maybe, my dreams will all be pleasant ones and sleep will be a welcome thing.

Hugs and Love to all!!

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