Tuesday, March 29, 2011

In My Life

I was born in a much simpler time.  Mother’s stayed home and cared for their children and the home. Father’s worked to support the family. Children loved their parents no matter how many times they were sent to their room or how many chores they had to do before they could go outside.  When a bad grade in school mean you were restricted until you brought home your next report card with a better grade. When children played outside until dark and didn’t have to worry about strangers.  You knew everyone in your neighborhood.  When the worst thing you could do was get in a playground squabble with a friend and hope your parents didn’t find out.  The next day or even a few minutes later, you were best friends again. When sticks became guns, swords, bats, and horses…and you fought with your hands or with words. When everyone sat down for dinner at the same time around the table and you ate everything your mother put on your plate….even if you didn’t like it.

We didn’t have video games, I-Pods, computers or cell phones….We had Monopoly, Scrabble, transistor radios, record players, checkers, jump ropes, hula hoops and swing sets. If we were lucky, we could watch TV for 2 hours before bed, but on the weekends we were outside in the fresh air.

I don’t remember ever wondering about what my life would be like when I grew up and was the same age my parents were.  I guess I figured one day I would have the house with the fenced in yard, the swing set in the backyard, 2 children and a dog.. A husband who loved us all and worked hard to support his family…where “I love you” was said often and hugs and kisses were a plenty.

I wasn’t the kind of girl that boys flocked around.  I was a “plain Jane”. I doubt most of the boys I went to school with ever even noticed me. I went to a school dance or two, and a few when I was a “Job’s Daughter”.  I was the wall flower. I never had a boy friend until I was 17.  And he was the boy next door. He took me to my Junior Prom. And he became my first husband, and the father of my first 2 children.  I thought we were madly in love….well, I was anyway. 

I never dreamed that I would be a grandmother….but now I am….I have 7 wonderful grand children that I love, and I know at least 6 of them love me…I haven’t been allowed any contact with my oldest grand daughter in 8 years...and I have 1 grand-daughter that I will never know or meet.  Her mother gave her up for adoption when she was born because she had split up with my son.

I never dreamed that my only daughter would cut me out of her life, or keep me from speaking or seeing her children.  I never thought I would spend most of my days alone in my room with my memories….waiting for the weekend for a visit from anyone.  Hoping beyond hope that my grand children would come to see me, or call…or send me a text.  I never dreamed that Iwould barely have enough to live on….

That’s life I guess.  What is that old saying? “The More things change, the more they remain the same”?

My life has certainly changed over the years but one thing remains the same….I am still the same “Plain Jane” I was….still the “Wall Flower”….still waiting for the House with the fenced in yard, the hugs and Kisses and the children and grandchildren who come for weekly visits to say “I Love You’.

I do have 2 grandsons who visit and I am thankful for that.  I know that they appreciate me and love me.  I hear them say “I love you” and I feel their hugs…..but soon that may change…..They may be moving away and I will be alone again…

with memories…..

Hugs and Love to all my friends who encourage me and help me go on. 

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