The closer it gets to Christmas, the more depressed I get.
I don’t want to hear anyone else say “Happy Holidays”, or even “Merry Christmas….
The holidays will not be Merry or Happy for me….I have no reason to feel these feeling….I’m saddened every time I get a Christmas card and read these words.
My happiness left in June and hasn’t returned….I get by….I don’t cry every day….but I cry more often now. No amount of Christmas songs, decorations, Christmas cards or chocolate can improve my mood, even though I try every day to forget that this year is so depressing without the grandkids around.
If you came to my house, there is no Christmas tree, no lights….the only holiday decorations are ones that somehow managed to escape getting shoved in boxes and closets last year.
And after Christmas I know I’ll hear more “Happy” wishes……”Happy Birthday” followed by “Happy New Year”…At least I know no one will be wishing me “Happy Anniversary” in January.. That will be more like “How have you managed to stay married for 32 years??”….and the only explanation is I guess I had hoped that eventually things had to get better….that one day I would be loved again…..
I used to be an optimist…..but every day, I am leaning more towards the pessimist.
Everyday I wake with one hope….”Maybe today will be the day that I get a call, a text or a message from one of my grandchildren”….and every night I go to bed without one….
And yet, I know that I have to put on my “Happy Face” every day….so people won’t know just how depressed I am.
So excuse me for being a “Scrooge”
but I can only be me……