Today is a rough one for me. I have good days and bad days. Usually the weekends are the hardest.
During the week, I have football practice to look forward to. It’s hard to be sad when you see 26 boys learning to work as a team. Surrounded by coaches parents and players, I don’t have the chance or the reason to cry; even though it makes me a little sad to know I am not watching my own grandchildren. Fridays are busy with paying bills and running around….no time to think….or cry.
But the weekends are the hardest. Perhaps because for over 19 years, my grandchildren filled my weekends….Between Football, basketball, Soccer or Track; going to games, or just having them over to play in the pool or on the computer, they were always here with me. For nearly 6 months, every Friday I would pick up one or both of the younger grandsons; and even sometimes the oldest grandson, and my weekends would be filled with making them happy. And at the same time, making myself happy.
Now the weekends are hard because I am alone. I try to occupy my time watching TV, playing on the computer, writing letters tomy mom or even going out somewhere to take pictures. But I am alone….and I can not hold back the tears.
The hardest part is not hearing anything from them in weeks or months in the case of the oldest grandson. I know they are having summer fun at the beach or just hanging out….But I really miss them….I would so enjoy a text, an e-mail or the sound of their voice on the phone….
Some say tears are a way of cleansing the soul…
But why does it have to hurt so much?
If I could reach out to my grandchildren now, I would tell them how much I love and miss them….I have tried to…but my messages go unanswered…
And so, alone,on my own, I miss them and cry…..
But tomorrow is Monday and I look forward to watching the joy in the eyes of children who are not related to me….
Hugs and Love to all!! and don’t worry…..I will go on……